What a day! I never did come up with those 3 words that I was struggling to find in my previous post. Which meant I really didn’t need them after all.
I walked into my ex’s attorneys office strong, independent, classy, confident yet humble. The only person there was my ex. He was sitting in the waiting room. He looked up at me and just as I flashed him a big grin he turned away as if he were searching his documents for something. I sat in a chair directly across from him. He looked up at me and I spoke first. “Isn’t this fun?” He replied with his usual negativity, “we could have done all this via e-mail.” I looked him right in the eyes and said, “I didn’t insist on this meeting.” Just then, my attorney came out to greet me, then ushered me into a conference room. It had a large conference table right in the center with 8 chairs around it. The room had an incredible view of my home-towns hills, I sat in the chair that gave me the best view. My attorney sat to my right at the head of the table. For the next 20 minutes or so, he & I went over the documents that were newly presented to us. At one point, one of the documents had me burst out with laughter. I am sure the whole floor heard my amusement to it.
A little knock at the door, and in shuffle my ex & his attorney. My attorney & I ended up dominating the room together for the next hour. The ex was visibly shaking. His troll-like, female counsel couldn’t look me in the eyes. She never has. Poor thing.
I stood up for myself. Stood up for what I wanted. I let go of the things I still possess that he wanted. I felt something good inside me when I gave. It felt better than when I took. He slung a little mud my way … but instead of slinging it back I insisted that he keep his accusations and attacks to himself. His attorney repeated what I said and he stopped.
In the end, he & I agreed to have better communication and I got to say to his face why I don’t communicate to him much. I feel it was very productive and healthy and I feel so much better & more connected…kinda like we’re still a family. But now he & I don’t have to deal directly with one another’s shit!
One thing I did not expect as I left her office alone was the ache between my legs. As much as he repulses me now I became extremely hungry for his cock. I walked down the long hallway towards the elevators and my mind spun with thoughts of him coming up silently behind me as the doors of the vacant elevator opened. I stepped inside alone but imagined him there. Visualizing myself dropping to my knees just as the doors slide together, having his cock out and in my mouth in an instant. Sucking him hard & slow & deep, just like I know he loves. I lean back against the back of the elevator and he pins me there, thrusting his cock deeply in & out of my throat. Five floors down. He’s swollen and throbbing in my mouth and I’m latched on sucking it hard. My eyes full of tears from the deep throating. – The doors start to sweep open, I compose myself and step out, alone. The only noise is of my high heels clicking across the lobby floor. I’m walking tall. Turning heads. But all I can think of is that cock I know better than anyone else in this world and the man I devoted 15 years of my life to & loved unconditionally that I just walked away from a few minutes before. I was ok.
I got in my car alone. I sat in the parking lot and watched the people come & go. Alone. My phone didn’t ring. I had no one to call. No one there to hear me. No one there to hug me. Just me. And I was ok.
I made my way over to the office supply store & bought myself the most expensive pen I could find. I wanted to write. Nothing more.
It ended up being an incredible day for me. I’m not broken. Or damaged. I’m me and doing it alone now.