Everyone is initially attracted to a person by their physical appearance. That initial lure can be very strong off of appearances only. I’ve always had the theory that women that go way overboard with their make-up, hair, big fake tits, clothes and accessories are shallow and superficial. They’re usually blondes and the rest of us normal girls refer to them as barbie. Once you actually get to know them on the inside you realize that they’re the ugliest of humans. I’ve never had a friend like that because they don’t exist. They can’t be good friends to anyone because they’re too self-absorbed.

I talked to **** about this last December (2005). I told him my theory. The reason I brought it up to him was because I had seen some barbie’s come & go from his house a few times. When he & I discussed it I didn’t think about the character of the person who dates these types of women, I merely wanted him to see the barbie’s from a different perspective. I could see that he recognized what I was referring to just by the look on his face. It looked as if a light switch was clicked on inside him. He sat there quiet for a while then agreed that he thought (after I pointed it out) that about those types of women as well.

My light switch went on recently regarding this. I realized he is the male version of those type of women.

• He’s selfish.
• He’s disrespectful.
• He has bad manners.
• He’s a liar.
• He’s a cheater.
• He can do no wrong.
• He’s uncaring.
• He’s uncompassionate.
• He was a fair weather friend.
• He couldn’t give. Anything.

I’d never met a man like that before, I usually saw their persona from a mile away and steered clear of them. But this guy seems to have several extra alter egos that he could hide behind. To me, a serious character flaw that will NEVER go away.

I am amazed to learn how correct my theory was. Even for men. Perhaps amazed isn’t the right word to describe how my discovery made/makes me feel. That word should be devastated. Or crushed. Or disgusted. Beauty is skin deep for some people and those people understand one another. I know now that he’s drawn to barbie.
I am not one of those people. I will never be barbie. I am grateful for that. I should have realized this a few months ago ( perhaps 15 months ago would have been better but it is what it is ) when he & I were in a chat room on webcam together. The room was buzzing from our images. A man made a comment in this chat room about me. He used the word ‘Goddess’ to describe me. Needless to say, I was extremely flattered. When **** saw it, his comment to it was very … ummmm … cruel, telling, eye-opening, painful. He said, ‘my gawd, these people think YOU’RE a Goddess? They must not get out much’. He didn’t even bat an eye at what he’d just said to me. I was sick to my stomach. I just stared at him. I couldn’t believe he could be so mean. Eventually he saw how hurt I was and said sorry but what he said was his true feelings about how he envisioned me and he wasn’t sorry at all. I want the man in my life to look at me, no matter what I am doing and see me as his Goddess. Not just because of my physical appearance, but because of my heart, my morals, my passion, my compassion, my openmindedness, my generosity and sensitivity. It’s easy to look great & draw someone in to you. But for me, that person has got to have a mind of their own. They’ve got to be open and honest and be able to communicate with me. They’ve got to know when they should just sit and listen, that’s the hardest part for the barbie.

The next day I called his brother for comfort. I got comfort for it from him. I cried so hard on the phone to him and he had nothing nice to say about how his brother treated/treats me. I thank God every single day that I have ***** in my life. I know he was sent to me by someone, my guardian angel perhaps. To test me. I took the test and passed and have this incredible human being in my life now to help guide me through as my reward.

I sometimes consider myself quite stunning looking. A Goddess? Hardly. Someone’s Goddess? Hopefully someday. I consider myself a very good friend. I have strong morals. I’m extremely compassionate and generous. And my heart is pure, yet currently broken but it’ll mend in time. I know that.

More recently he & I talked about this blog of mine. He read it and when I saw him afterwards he commented about it. He had the nerve to tell me that I should be embarrassed of it…I tried not to let it hurt but that was inevitable. I talked to my girlfriend about it and her reaction was: ‘Why should YOU be embarrassed? He’s the one that should be embarrassed!’ I agree with her. Wholeheartedly! The only thing I am embarrassed of is ever giving him the time of day.

His mentality is just like barbie. Me! Me! Me! Mine! Mine! Mine! No consideration for anyone’s feelings. He used me for what he could; money, sex, babysitting, food, cigarettes, bookkeeping, everything. He lied and led me on all along. He’s weak and insecure yet gags you with his false sense of self confidence in the beginning. I know in my heart that had he not met someone new he’d still be leading me on today and I’d let him because I was in love. He hasn’t admitted to meeting someone new, merely because he doesn’t have the mental capacity to care for anyone’s feelings but his own, but I know him well enough to know he’s got someone new already. A barbie no doubt. He might as well, he’s not getting any younger and those wrinkles are only getting deeper, barbie will be dumb enough for him to continue to get away with his games. And vice versus.

Up until now, I had NO regrets in my life. I do regret spending so much time and money on him. I regret that because he manipulated me into believing he had feelings for me so he could get what he could. Apparently, gold diggers come in a male version too.

I’ve learned a lot about myself.

I see clearly what I need to work on within myself to assure I am never in a relationship with a loser ever again.

Another theory! People come into our lives for a specific reason. They leave our lives for a specific reason. Sometimes it takes a long time to figure out the reason. When he came into my life I told him this same thing and at that time I didn’t know why he was there but I knew it was for something specific and life changing. I know the answer now…