t r a i t s

Traits for Finding a Lifelong Mate

1. Choose someone as though you were blind. Close your eyes and see
what you can FEEL; their kindness, loyalty, insight, devotion, their
ability to be concerned with you, their ability to care for themselves
as an independent being.

2. Choose a person who has the ability to learn, explore new ways of
doing things and perceiving things, who is curious, and who is


3. Choose someone who is willing to be like you….strong like a tree,
but flexible in the wind. Someone who is sensitive and who has the
ability to see what is around them……who is AWAKE and alert.

4. Choose someone who when you hurt them, they are willing to show
it; and when they hurt you, they see it and are sorry. Choose someone
who can perceive your pain and feel for you about it.

5. Choose someone who has an INNER LIFE that they love, who is on
their own journey – and who wants a partner on their own journey.

6. Choose someone who has similar passions as your own. A relationship
is for making similar memories together, doing things TOGETHER – this
is the GLUE of the relationship during hard times. It can be very

7. Choose someone who has similar VALUES about children, money,
marriage, family. This decreases the friction in relationship. These
need to be worked out before there is a long-term commitment. When the
pragmatics in the relationship are mostly taken care of, it is much
more easy to SOAR.

8. Choose someone who is COMPASSIONATE, willing and able to listen,
who gives equal time.

9. Choose someone who can LAUGH at themselves, or who can stop an
argument in mid-sentence.

10. Be able to overlook certain faults and characteristics. KNOW WHAT
YOU CAN LIVE WITH. Anything that takes a person away from their soul
life, or not telling the truth, or a person who cannot face you after
making a mistake and who tries to cover it over in a dramatic, large
way instead….this would be starting a relationship on a swamp

11. Be FRIENDS, not just lovers. Are you willing to do for your
partner what you would do for your good friend?

12. ****VERY IMPORTANT*****…When you choose, choose someone who
makes your life bigger rather than smaller.”

11 responses to “t r a i t s”

  1. PS: That looks like some EVIL Sun-burn! Is it sore?!? God, for the CHANCE to get sunburn like that….*sigh*


  2. Wow, that is the most amazingly well-considered and beautifully stated list of qualities to look for in a partner I think I have ever seen…! But where do you meet someone who fulfills all of that? (Trillion-dollar question!) And it is possible to be that way yourself, for another? Personally, I think this is where Fate and Kismet have to lend a halping hand – I despair of finding something like this on my own in my town!

    :Greetings from a wee Scotsman


  3. noneyerbusiness4 Avatar

    Thanks for the drive to work, you’re as bad as me! I drive a semi truck all across the USA and I have my laptop on all the time.

    I can not chat, etc .. but I sure do watch cams …. and I was watching yours this morning.

    I wonder how many truckers you may flash? (I’ll be watching for you when I’m in your area later this week!) 🙂

    See ya on *** .. and .. thanks!


  4. Francis T Fontaine Avatar
    Francis T Fontaine

    Here’s my list, it’s pretty simple, it’s not about relationships or looking for a partner – those are things most of us desire, but I suspect what’s most important to each individual, what is the greatest desire and need is in finding peace of mind. I do not believe real love is found by most people most of the time. I feel some are maybe closer to truth than others.

    I am myself not really ready for a relationship, but I don’t kid myself, I do desire it. I do see the need for all the things you list, relentless, but are you truly relentless in your desire for true love? Not the kind of love most experience in the kinder gentler relationships but of the kind that comes from deep within? the kind that requires an even more extraordinary courage? It’s very rare, more rare than most people think it is. I have not yet found it, but it comes from within. But I feel that once it has been accomplished all else is academic.

    I do not feel it is needed to go that far before a relationship but I do feel the focus on that is needed before it can happen. It’s so elusive, but what I desire most in all the world.

    Thanks for listening, relentless, I hope you find what you seek. Be well.



  5. Very good and goodluck Relent. LOL

    This has nothing to do with your latest post but you may enjoy this read.

    “Women Who Run with the Wolves”
    by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D.



  6. Very beautiful & thought-provoking. Will provide me enough material to meditate on for a long time. You never know where you will find something helpful on our life’s journey, some inspirational tidbit that improves us. Everyone, no matter who they are, has something to teach us, something to offer. Look for the lessons to learn from every person you have contact with.

    The author is very wise…if everyone was so contemplative, the world would be a much better place!


  7. Excellent insight! Very true and comprehensive list! Well written! Sadly though it is rarely practiced even though all items are learned skills and not inate abilities, which make them doable!

    Thanks for sharing! It should be a prerequisite reading before getting married! 🙂


  8. Truth is, most people today lack most of these traits or have not bothered to develop them..and most people couldn’t care less…that’s proved by the divorce rate..sadly find them, feel them, fuck them, and forget them..pretty much rules…I certainly am not excluding myself from this class..hence my two divorces…but I have made the decision to change…develop my moral fiber, deal with my character flaws..and maybe by so doing potential mates will recognize it..and I will find, or they will find me, my lifelong mate..((((((relentless))))))


  9. U write interesting and nice as usual. Like this blog very much


  10. Hi Relent,

    Food for thought and attainable in a perfect world. I’d settle for 10, 11 and 12. BTW do you know the Desiderata? It works for me 😉

    TC … BBS


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