We’re all guilty of it. But the little white lies are not what I’m writing about. They’re the big lies. Cheating. Stealing. Who you are. What you do. Your sexuality and desires. I have lied in the past about some of these things. I’m just like everyone else. I tell myself, “I can’t admit to THAT! It would hurt him/her/them”. I’d decide that if and when I was questioned, just deny deny deny!
Well, I was lied to. I assume to protect my feelings from the pain of knowing the truth. When that happened I decided I won’t lie about the big things ever again. If I’m doing something that I feel I have to lie about then I shouldn’t be doing it.
In my lies I thought I did it to save the other person from hurt but all I was doing was selfishly avoiding my own punishment for which I deserved. Verbal abuse wasn’t uncommon in my home, unfortunately. I avoided that at all costs! Of all types of violence the verbal abuse is by far he most scarring. Depending on the person, the scars may never heal.
So now…how do I deal with those lies that haunt me? How can I trust anyone now? I thought I read him well and as a matter of fact I did. He was in deny,deny,deny mode in an effort to save my feelings just like I had done. But not only were my feelings damaged (the very reason the lie was manufactured in the first place) but the outcome was the same. No one’s happy & healthy anymore.
I can’t change my past nor do I want to. But my future is what I can consciously keep happy & healthy, for everyone I touch & that touches me. Live & learn!
r e l e n t l e s s