FWB, Fuckbuddies, casual sex – whatever you want to call it. Basically having sex with a friend or acquaintance without the woes that come from a commitment to a ‘relationship’. Am I the only person that has a hard time with this type of arrangement?
Being that it’s been a little over a year now since my separation from my husband and one month since the complete end of my last ‘relationship’ I am again faced with the ‘friends with benefits’ relations. Well, I know I am not the only person on Earth that feels this way but I just can’t have sex without becoming emotionally and physically attached to the person. One night stands are usually an exception. I just feel that if you’re not in a committed relationship and having ongoing sex with more than one person you’re either being led on or your leading yourself on that at some point ‘things will change’. They don’t! My beliefs are that if you’re not finding all you need in that one person then they’re not the right one for you. Besides, no man can please me better or faster than I can please myself so most of the time I use the feelings of penetration, touch, sound and scent to take back with me and use them for my self-pleasure, while in a relationship or otherwise. It’s the intimacy and the closeness that I cannot recreate alone.
I am guilty of having sex with multiple partners. I see now that it wasn’t done out of my need to have an orgasm, it was done for my need to be held and touched. Nothing more. That’s exactly why I become emotionally tied to the man/men I have sex with. Hmmmm. You see, this is why I write. I work through my quirks with my pen and paper or in this case my keyboard and a white screen. It clarified something for me that I struggle greatly with and put it in a context that I can understand & work through to change.
Having figured that out just now gave me more clarity on my last relationship. I just realized that I was never just held by him, or touched. I held on so long just waiting for it to happen. Thinking that if I kept working at it & putting up with what I did that he’d want to just hold me. He’d finally trust me enough to just let himself feel and love. When all he wanted was sex. He never once just held me. Poor him! I say that only because I think intimacy is something you can give to another person if you have a strong inner being yourself.
Just fucking doesn’t prove you’re a man. Anyone can fuck. He shows he’s a real man when he holds you afterwards.
FWB
24 responses to “FWB”
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I agree to some extent although i have to admit to having had a FWB at one point and i also felt later that this person may have been my soulmate. We were best friends for a number of years through various relationships each but never single at the say time. She was amazing and left me with incredable memories as I hope I also did for her. I guess I should have recognized all the extras that existed in the friendship as it had the cudling and loving closeness that was missing in any relationsip I ever had. Only after the last time we were intimate she removed herself from my life after a lengthy conversation as to why we had never gotten together and I couldn’t come up with an adequate reason. I as always am in a relationship with many things missing from it like always but with a daughter now 13 that I will not abandon so I am stuck for a few more years yet before I can go try and find my soulmate again and you are right a relationship no matter how exciting it may be, without the intimacy just doesn’t measure up. PS.-good luck in finding your soulmate hun as in another 4 yrs or so i hope to go back and find mine! You never know where you will find them!
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Hi R!
As usual another thought provoking read. It beggars the following questions however.
In the context of your post, does a FWB have to be of the opposite sex? If not, and if you’re so inclined, do the same feelings apply or do they fall in the category of a “one night stand” (the usual exeption to the rule)? If it’s the latter are they really a “friend”?
You know a little of my views on the subject but what probably isn’t clear is that I too crave the closeness, intimacy and security that comes from loving your best friend. When I find that person the closeness, intimacy and security will be the benefits.
Still loving your work. See you soon!
TC … 😉
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I got a little lost trying to navigate and just found this post (note to Re: believe it or not!).
Just holding – especially after physical intimacy – some might think it’s a feminine need, but I’m a man and I believe it’s the best part. It’s a way of showing genuine appreciation for sharing an experience you can never re-live.
I must have discovered what’s just occurred to you a while back; I can’t even get interested in sex with someone I haven’t gotten to know well enough to know I’ll want to hold her afterwards. I guess if you think about that moment first, rather than everything leading up to it, you’ll have a better idea if you really want to go through the motions, or not.
(I’m having to think this through as I go, as well… it’s in place in my mind but the cement hasn’t dried yet.)
When you look back, isn’t the holding after the act that links what you feel to your partner in your mind? It’s not how they stimulated this or that part of you, it’s how they made you feel afterwards that gets linked to them. If I jump up and run away, you’re going to link that feeling with me; if I stay and enjoy your company, that kind of closeness will be linked to my face. If I hold you, share the sweat a while, look in your eyes and smile, then how that makes you feel is going to be linked to seeing me again, or how you feel the next time I touch you!
I’m starting to think I need to start my own blog… sorry 😉
Anyway, I think you have it figured out… right on Relentless!
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Hello Sweet Lady, You couldn’t be more correct and to the point! Sex is that fucking is that but making love and Intimacy don’t come from the outside the come from the heart and they don’t grab on or let go they build slowly and burn in Passion then drift slowly into oblivion, lost in a cross between euforia and security. know someone is there even after the passion has drifted away means more than what Pure animal pleasure leaves you with. Real Men are vulnerable although they will refuse to show it, they are sensetive, and strong enough to let it be known, But don’t mistake them for idiots or fool they are in fact Real Men and will definately stand their ground and stake their claim for what they believe is right. I love the way the your stories unfold not by plot but more by emotion, and the music on your site definately adds to the reading thanks for your gifts to your readers SCHQ…
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you are a very beautiful sexy lady love to spend some time with you hun
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Your blog was very well stated and got me to thinking about my own situations and relationships. It’s ironic how many people have similar thoughts and feelings as these yet never find one another to share them with somebody who will appreciate them.
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really enjoyed reading a little about yourself. Always so nice to see you on ******** and hope we can chat sometime.
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very deep relentless your in luck im the man your lookin for i would hold you so much you wouldn’t know what to do !!!!! YOU ARE SO BEAUIFUL…………
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I’ve searched for so long too…
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The emotional needs of a woman is so much more than that of a man`s and yet I find myself feeling the same way you do. I can honestly say I have never had casual sex, it just doesn`t have the same satisfaction unless you have some emotional ties to who you are with and the holding, touching, and kissing are just as important as the actual physical act of love. Knowing that the person you are with wants you to fulfill your emotional needs as well as physical ones makes the love making so much more satisfying and meaningful. The chances of developing a lasting relationship is a lot better when those emotional needs are met. I believe you are a very sensual and Loving woman Relentless and I hope you find that person to always fulfill your emotional needs. I truely feel every woman deserves to be loved that way
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I have to say u r right!I to have a hard time with the friends with beniefits,its hard to not have some kind of feelings for the act and for the friend.I have been single 3 yrs now and a roll in the hay would not be an easy fix but thoughts and emotions are real and try to keep that beautiful smile on your face and don’t except the first thing that comes along cause most likely you’ll be back to feeling alone!I am thier with you so your not alone thanx!!
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How true.
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I had a similar situation long ago. A great female friend (she was married to a friend) and I had four years of a superb friendship. One weekend we both satiated curiosity while hubby was gone. I literally f*cked up a good friendship. Neither of us really knew to handle the situation afterwards.
I wish you the best on your quest, and I’m glad some emotional attachment is required for sex – its what lends the expression “making love” to the act.
Hugs!
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What I see on screen is not what I see in your heart. You have a beauty inside you that supercedes any outside beauty. And that is beautiful enough. See ya Relentless!!
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Very well written , i do like to just hold a woman and be held. Keep your chin up! We are out there , maybe not in Cali but out there.
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pm
Noticed you were still wearing your rings.
Get rid Angel. Let it go.
Hey there Mark,
Just wanted to let ya know that I don’t wear my wedding ring(s). I haven’t in a very long time. What you saw are my everyday rings. But thanks for the advice. Very sweet of you to stop & take the time to connect with me. I appreciate it so much. 🙂Have a great day!!!
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Hi Relentless.
It’s 09.46 where I am. I was watching you this morning and decided to check out your website. Very moving. It’s kinda strange that when there’s no stress in ones life, partners can be fine. It’s always when you need them the most that they show their true colours. Everyone would like a simple life, but it doesn’t always work like that, does it? All we can do is persue the things we want in life. I Regularly step back and have a good think. To put it into as few words as possible, I hold on tight to the good in my life and get rid of the shit. After all, who needs shit in their life. I wish you all the best Relentless.
Kind regards
Mark
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When I read this I was so happy! It’s the truth. Clarity is such a great gift! YOU such a GREAT friend that I will FOREVER cherish. I Wub you! A
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Well written Relent!
Ur text feels like a follow up on my blog about loneliness…just the touch of a hand and to hold and feel another body is what it’s all about..
Take care
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i wouldnt just hold you afterwords i would cuddle nothing better then helping a women get off several times before cuddling
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Dead on relentless…being held is the most wonderful thing in the world especially when it has meaning…it’s like a mother holding her child….((((( relentless )))))
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Really touched by your words. Wish I could express myself that way but as a newly single guy I have to admit that I was guilty of not holding afterwards. Now it’s different now…I’ve learned and it’s been clarified by you. tks
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WOW saw you on ********. LOve this. You are SO beautiful! J
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I think that was very well put, And i agree with you completly there is no best thing its what makes you happy that counts.I always say do what makes you feel right! never mind what others may think. Anyway i like your site and would love to chat sometime. ive seen you on ******** befor my name there is verifythis. You take care.
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