What exactly is an open relationship?
My definition of ‘open relationship’ is there’s no commitment to any one person. So isn’t an open relationship the same thing as ‘friends with benefits’? In other words, if a person wants an open relationship he or she is a polygamist. And that word (for me) stirs all sorts of feelings & emotions and reminds me of the polyamorists in Utah that have large, extended families and everyone loves everyone and they all share beds & household chores & have long hair & wear long dresses & want peace & incest & molestation (*note: I know this is not the rule about polyamorists but it IS the reputation they have).
This is one area that I’ve never been able to sway my beliefs into the other direction just for a test drive. I strongly feel when I am in a relationship that my commitment to that person (and them to me) is complete. I don’t have sex with anyone but him and I don’t share certain thoughts with anyone but him. I expect the same from my partner. Why even bother to be with that person if you aren’t going to be number one next to none? If I am not able to physically & emotionally satisfy my partner and he shows an interest in an open relationship, to me, it’s his way of having permission to cheat and therefore should just move on to finding his happiness without me.
Being in love isn’t something I can control. I also cannot be in love with more than one person at a time. It’s a special place deep in my heart that has room for only one. People fall in & out of love. They don’t fall in & in love. At one point in my life I could have several partners at once (not at the same exact time but rather a few separate fuck buddies) but none of them would ever/could ever have my heart completely. Perhaps I could be in a situation like that again someday, but not right now. Being one of many doesn’t make me feel very good. Why would I be chosen over anyone else? What’s/who’s to say I’m any different than the 4, 5, 6 or more other women he’s having his open relationship with? It’s like having a handful of jelly beans, each a different color. You could put them all in your mouth at the same time and yes, there will be a taste. It might taste good but you’re not savoring each separate flavor on it’s own. You will never know what it might make you feel, see, learn if you didn’t take the time to try each one, one by one. Giving them a chance to give you what they were created to give you. Then next time you come across a bowl of those jelly beans again you won’t know which one tasted the best and which one left that bad aftertaste without taking the time to experience every one.