This Mother’s Day is the first Mother’s Day that I truly feel like a single mother. Granted, it’s only the second one that I’ve been single for. I look back on last year and see how things have changed. Last year I still felt very dependent on my own mother, on my child support, on my boyfriend (aka the cute guy, who actually wasn’t my boyfriend at the time but we were close like a couple), dependent on my boss and co-workers, and so dependent on needing to feel wanted. This time around, I am not dependent on anyone for my happiness or finances. I don’t lay awake and cry that the cute guy never called or that the support check isn’t here yet or that I’m the only one that has this whole lifestyle and home to keep going. It’s a good feeling.
My birthday is tomorrow. Unlike all my birthdays prior to this one, I am expecting nothing more than what I give myself. I always faced my birthday with such high expectations and was always let down. Well, all but one birthday that I can remember were let-downs. This time I made my annual call to a good friend of mine that was born 2 days before me to wish him a Happy Birthday (I missed calling him last year). It felt good because I know he’s a lot like me and always expects more than is rational to expect for a grown adults birthday. His call to me always cheered me up on my day and I know my call does the same for him. So in a way, calling him was almost a gift to myself because I know I made him happy and that is all I ever want to do for the people in my life. Make them smile. People nowadays don’t take the time to reach out to others just because. It seems there’s always some sort of ulterior motive. It feels good to just give to give.
So, for my mothers day I’ve cleaned, done some laundry, took the kids to the grocery store with me, talked to a few friends on the phone and now I’ve got my swimsuit on and am going to go sit in the sun to try and even out my hideous tan I got a few days ago at hepas when I fell asleep in my tube top for a few hours. And for my birthday, well, I have just one thing I am doing for myself for sure. I’m going to treat myself to my annual meal at my favorite restaurant with my 2 daughters. And maybe get a cake. That’s all. And I have no other expectations whatsoever. I’m not allowing disappointment to settle in this time around.
I hope everyone was able to pay tribute to their mom in their own way today. I am going to call my mom right now. Happy Mother’s Day everyone!