Time wasted

I am a 34 year old single mother. Still not divorced and it’s creeping up on the 2 year mark. When I decided to end my marriage I had certain goals and ideas in my mind for when I was ‘free’. Most of them I’ve accomplished already. I have a couple still left undone. I am the worlds biggest procrastinator. I am so pleasure driven that it’s actually hard for me to concentrate without some sort of mental satisfaction. I believe that’s why I chat online as much as I do. Add agoraphobia to that and up sprouts an addiction.

I admit that I spend (have spent) far too much time chatting. Only recently have I gotten into a more structured daily schedule (but please don’t base my statement on the picture above, lmao). Hepa inspired me to look at somethings differently and in turn, they were a positive change for me. But that still leaves me my addiction which I imagine over time will dwindle away. But it’ll never be gone completely. I enjoy getting to know people too much to go cold turkey for good.

I’ve really wasted a lot of time chatting but then again it was what I wanted to do. I’ve had some of the best laughs in chat that I ever had. I’ve also cried alot over it and that’s just plain crazy. I realize that I grew way too close to these people online when most of them, if not all are just characters they’ve created so as to entertain themselves. I’ve haven’t met many that are genuine online nor did I expect to. I also didn’t expect how cruel some people can be when there’s no real good reason for it. At least not one that I have been made aware of.

I am just me. I don’t pretend to be someone I am not. I don’t ask anyone to come talk to me in the chat rooms, I don’t beg for people to compliment me. It just happens. I am always respectful unless I am disrespected. I have never initiated a brawl. I have only stood my ground. If I treated everyone half as badly as I am treated well…maybe I would be more liked by everyone. But that’s not me. I am not a bitch because it’ll draw a crowd. I am just me.

So! If I have offended anyone with my thoughts and opinions, my apologies. Oh and, a suggestion for all humans, when you have a problem with someone it’s typically better if you go and actually talk to that person about it. Maybe they don’t even know that YOU are upset. If I don’t know someone is upset with me I go on about my business as if all is well! Don’t you?

Feels good to write again…

7 responses to “Time wasted”

Rocky

July 27, 2007 at 1:36 am

So glad to see you writing again…

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Racoon

July 22, 2007 at 1:07 pm

I like ur writing Relent. And as we talked about earlier do what u wish but I think its good as it is…if someone cant take it its their problem, not urs.

Take care and big hugs
Racoon

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Jeff (green_eyesn)

July 22, 2007 at 7:36 am

I have put off emailing you until I felt I had something worthwhile to say. However, when I popped your site up today and saw the picture of you two kooks with your crowns on I knew it was time. Yeah, I saw you guys come up on JM****** with them on recently! You two really cracked me up.
Yes, I’m another “lurker” come up to the light. I always check to see if you’re on JM and was delighted to find you had a website. I was always impressed by you but have been doublely so since I’ve been reading your blog. I’ve actually told some co-workers who are in the same situation as you. I love that you can put on paper exactly what you are going thru. Don’t make apologies for your feelings. This is your blog site and your feelings! Keep on writing and doing what you do.
(And make that final break and get that divorce done!)

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Aaron

July 22, 2007 at 6:22 am

We will over come anything that gets in our way with the love we have for each other. I would love for you to be happy with what we have but I am sure that will never happen. Its not a bad thing. Its just you and I love you no matter what addiction your into.

Forever Yours Darla

Aaron

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Enigmatik

July 20, 2007 at 6:41 am

It amuses me that so many people use the anonymity that the internet affords to portray themselves as someone or something that they’re not when in effect it’s the perfect medium to be oneself and chat with or meet likeminded people.

It also appears that honesty and integrity are often considered by some to be vulnerabilities to be taken advantage of rather than traits to be appreciated and encouraged.

As in the real world there are good and bad, honest and dishonest, trustworthy and untrustworthy people here (the www). Why would it be any different? The internet is now every bit as much an accepted social setting as, say, a night club or a bar. The difference being that one can’t see the sincerity or deception in the other’s eyes on the internet that one does in person.

Why apologise for expressing your thoughts and opinions? You’re entitled to both! Aren’t those who castigate you merely expressing their own?

Do what you think is right. Be persuaded by what you know and feel rather than by the uninformed comments of insignificant “characters” with their own agendas.

Take care of you!

E

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skillzy

July 19, 2007 at 4:19 pm

Everyone has good and bad forces in their lives. Things always tend to return to neutral, even if it seems they’ve swung far out of control.

Glad you’re writing again…

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JavaCat

July 19, 2007 at 9:25 am

People are cruel as a form of power-play. You can chose to let it affect your life… or not.

Sincere people are difficult to find, and I would think that an online community would provide a greater base to find them… with the caveat that you’ll also find more a**holes.

But once you find them… wouldn’t this be a great support group for any of life’s troubles? A shared, communal wisdom to deal with difficulty?

Hugs and best wishes to you along life’s path.

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