d e c i d e

It hurts so bad. I can’t go long without breaking down and sobbing. Something will remind me again & regardless of where I am my eyes flood with tears. I wish I would have chose what I thought at the time was the harder road. My heart is broken. I felt life leave the very instant it left. It was already too late, all I could do was cry and hope his arms will hold my broken pieces together.

I know everyone says it’s good to seek advice from friends or family when you’re facing a big decision but is it good, really? You put yourself in a weak position, practically giving them power over your life. All of a sudden they feel they have an inside advantage and can fill your head with statistics and personal opinions of their own, basically guiding you with their personal experience into exactly the outcome they see. You never had a chance to think & feel on your own and end up basing the decision on their experience…not your own. No one has all the answers. No one is perfect. 

I want to believe I made the right decision but I didn’t get all the facts that I could have gotten before I made it.

I’m so fucking tired.

God help me.    

4 responses to “d e c i d e”

  1. “I want to believe I made the right decision but I didn’t get all the facts that I could have gotten before I made it.”

    well…..now you know,and remember if it doesn’t kill you it make’s you stronger ….

    again thx for the chat



  2. I don’t think there are more powerful and heart-felt words than “God Help Me.” I think deep down inside you know the answers to the questions you’re asking, and perhaps the answers and thoughts that are swimming around in your head are what’s heartbreaking.

    I don’t know, but I will say a prayer wishing happiness and comfort for you. I’m reminded of a saying…if today is the first day of the rest of your life, then what the hell was yesterday? It’s just that, it was yesterday. Be happy and feel alive today. Don’t you think you deserve it?



  3. Hang in their hon. You will be ok. Been their done that. At least you don’t have any kids to envolve. Enjoy your life to the fullest.


  4. Hey D,
    Still here for you when you need me & whenever you need me. Your in my prayers everynight! I pray for you to have strength & happieness. Love & miss you.


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