I have such a feeling of euphoria lately. It’s indescribable. I start my day every day with a smile on my face. I drive my daughters crazy because I sing songs with any made up words to any silly tune I can think of just because I feel good inside. I laugh all the time. Even if I cry, I know my tears are simply an overflow of emotions and I’m even grateful for those. I have let go of all the bad in my life and all that is left is good. Tonight as I stood on my porch saying goodbye to George the taper who is finishing my walls in my bathroom for it’s remodel, my water valve came on and I noticed a large puddle beginning to form from out of nowhere in my lawn and I realized I have yet another plumbing problem in the main pipe that runs to the street and as I tipped my head back in a faux agony I realized…big fucking deal! Nothing that I’ve had to deal with has stopped me yet. It’s all good. It’s all ok. I have so much to be grateful for in my life, even if I didn’t have this roof over my head…I would have ‘a’ roof over my head and most important…I would have those that I love and care for most, close by me.

I don’t walk into my back yard and see the weeds that haven’t been pulled and blame my gardener – I see an opportunity to make my world better with my own two hands. I see the overgrown morning glory that’s absolutely engulfed 2 cherry trees,  a tree-fort, a rabbits cage and a large portion of my redwood fence and I think it’s gorgeous. It’s bluish-purple blooms are massive and it’s deep green heart-shaped leaves blanket nearly an eigth of the yard. I know it should come down but I’ve never seen anything grow so happy & wild like that before. When I planted it close to ten years ago I had no idea that the little tag on it saying it will grow sixty feet or more was actually a warning for the future. It’s just so perfect and beautiful and happy to be alive.

I never imagined I could ever be so happy feeling new carpet under my bare feet or smelling a freshly painted room. I never imagined I would ever be so happy to sit with my kids and talk about our new President or skinny jeans or condoms. I love the people in my life. I am so thankful for having the strength to get rid of the people that were in my life that never had any right to be there in the first place. I am so blessed to be able to feel love and show my love to those who can look me in the eyes and see more than just what they want to see. I am not perfect. I don’t seek perfection. I just want peace. I just want to be happy and want to make the ones I love happy.

Everyday I wake up I smile because I have another chance to make life beautiful for me and mine.


7 responses to “Euphoria”

  1. It’s about lowered expectations…keep it simple and happiness is easy.


  2. Hi Relentless

    We all deserve to find some happiness. i’m so glad your finding yours. Hold on to what is good and get rid of the shit. The shit can come pouring in sometimes. None of us need it. Get rid and seek the things in life you love.

    Happiness comes from loving the things we do. Loving the things we do brings us inner peace.

    We can only be on a winner.

    Kindest regards

    Creamprince x


  3. Euphoria ? Isn’t that a flavor of gelato ?

    Seriously..what ever happened to “XXX”?….I miss XXX


  4. you found yourself xxx


  5. Well all I can say is…”Dammit it’s about time!!!” It’s good to hear (or see) that you’re chipper and that things are going much much gooder! You deserve that, and I’m very glad you shared that. Thank you.


  6. It’s great to feel happy…(((relentless))))


  7. Firstly it’s great to see you back and writing with feeling. You’ve been missed.

    Second it’s apparent to me that, slowly, things are turning around for you. It’s amazing how simply prioritising things can release stress, ill-feeling or emotional stagnation. By pruning the dead wood, and knowing that it’s ok to do it, we allow new growth.

    You’re not perfect. None of us are. But you recognise that and are willing (some might even think you’re eager) to accept change. Something unthinkable in the not so distant past. More power to ya!!

    Say hey to A. Give the girls a hug (BTW there are still a couple of pressies here waiting to be delivered) and DON’T be a stranger.

    TC E xx


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