I have such a feeling of euphoria lately. It’s indescribable. I start my day every day with a smile on my face. I drive my daughters crazy because I sing songs with any made up words to any silly tune I can think of just because I feel good inside. I laugh all the time. Even if I cry, I know my tears are simply an overflow of emotions and I’m even grateful for those. I have let go of all the bad in my life and all that is left is good. Tonight as I stood on my porch saying goodbye to George the taper who is finishing my walls in my bathroom for it’s remodel, my water valve came on and I noticed a large puddle beginning to form from out of nowhere in my lawn and I realized I have yet another plumbing problem in the main pipe that runs to the street and as I tipped my head back in a faux agony I realized…big fucking deal! Nothing that I’ve had to deal with has stopped me yet. It’s all good. It’s all ok. I have so much to be grateful for in my life, even if I didn’t have this roof over my head…I would have ‘a’ roof over my head and most important…I would have those that I love and care for most, close by me.
I don’t walk into my back yard and see the weeds that haven’t been pulled and blame my gardener – I see an opportunity to make my world better with my own two hands. I see the overgrown morning glory that’s absolutely engulfed 2 cherry trees, a tree-fort, a rabbits cage and a large portion of my redwood fence and I think it’s gorgeous. It’s bluish-purple blooms are massive and it’s deep green heart-shaped leaves blanket nearly an eigth of the yard. I know it should come down but I’ve never seen anything grow so happy & wild like that before. When I planted it close to ten years ago I had no idea that the little tag on it saying it will grow sixty feet or more was actually a warning for the future. It’s just so perfect and beautiful and happy to be alive.
I never imagined I could ever be so happy feeling new carpet under my bare feet or smelling a freshly painted room. I never imagined I would ever be so happy to sit with my kids and talk about our new President or skinny jeans or condoms. I love the people in my life. I am so thankful for having the strength to get rid of the people that were in my life that never had any right to be there in the first place. I am so blessed to be able to feel love and show my love to those who can look me in the eyes and see more than just what they want to see. I am not perfect. I don’t seek perfection. I just want peace. I just want to be happy and want to make the ones I love happy.
Everyday I wake up I smile because I have another chance to make life beautiful for me and mine.