Maybe ten years ago or so, my ex-husband and I got into a big fight and we thought it was divorce. I remember clearly, going in to work in Oakland the day after the fight, my brother was there, he knew all about the big fight. As soon as he started to say something about it my emotions came out and I burst into tears. I expected him to console me but instead he said, “just make sure [my ex-husband] doesn’t get any of Dad’s money”. I couldn’t believe it! Then maybe a few days later when my ex and I started talking again my ex told me that my brother had said to him that he should divorce me and take everything I have so I end up in some trailer park in the Valley because that’s where I belong…
It’s getting close to a year since I last talked to my brother. It’s been 6 months or so that my mom last talked to him as well. He and my ex-husband are still chummy and finally that’s not sitting well with my mom. I was actually surprised by her decision to cut ties with him over it because in the past I wouldn’t have made any difference in any decisions. It seems that she may be understanding more of what I’ve had to deal with my whole life from my brother. One thing I know for sure, I don’t miss all that drama and unnecessary stress.
The hurtful things he’s said to me over the years have caused me to suppress a lot, as does any hurtful thing would. But why? Why should I worry about “ending up in some trailer park in the Valley”? If I do, it’s because I want to. Although I was raised having more than I’d ever need, I’ve never been overwhelmed about having nothing. The things I possess have little to do with who I am. Maybe downsizing, simplifying my life with less in it would be something positive. Part of me wants to move to that trailer park in the Valley just to prove to anyone still watching that I can be happy no matter where I call home because it’s not my address that is important. It’s being where I feel appreciated, respected and loved that makes me happy. If I can’t feel those things for myself or those around me in the most beautiful place I could ever imagine, who cares what it looks like or where it is? No one is there that means anything to me and I have no one to share my life with. I’d rather be loved in the Valley than alone in high-society. 😉
Who knows? …I sure don’t.