Why can I give so much of who I am to someone in need, yet when I rely on a person I usually end up disappointed? I thought the rule to follow was something like, treat others how you want them to treat you. How come I’m constantly let down? I treat other people better than I treat myself. When a relationship I have with someone forms into something more than just casual friends I pour my whole being into nurturing that relationship. All of my heart & soul goes into making it the best I can, so that everyone is happy and I guess eventually have it become something permanent and fulfilling. With the exception of a very few relationships, I’ve always wound up confused, hurt and alone at it’s end, wondering what I did wrong. I didn’t do anything wrong. The only thing I can come up with is I had too high of expectations and was let down again.

I’ve been a friend to my next door neighbor for 35 years. He’s an old guy. World War II Vet. Retired college professor. Really smart, really stubborn. He has no one but me now. He’s telling me he’s going  to die soon and I’m going to take care of him until he does. But what about him? He’s lived over 80 years, more than twice my age and he has no one but me. Surely he made a friend somewhere. Where is his family? How can any human just abandon another human like that? Sure, he’s mean now and more stubborn than any person I’ve ever known…so what? People need to know that no matter what, someone will help them if they truly need it. I’ve been put in this position for some unknown reason and everyday I can’t help but wonder why? I know I’m learning life lessons, and fast…but what could be the reason? Am I being punished? Am I being rewarded? My belief is I have been chosen somehow to be there for this man that has absolutely no one else and my reward is going to be the character it’s building in me that will enrich my own life. I realize already how much it’s changing me. I’m learning patience. Discipline. And I’m earning respect for myself…which in turn will assure I surround myself with people who will give me the respect I deserve.

One response to “Loyalty”

  1. Hi Relentless,

    I have just read your blog and it truly tugged at my heart. Living the live I have had to the answers to the questions you have posed are clear.

    You are a beautiful person inside and out. Many attributes that are easy to see, even without even knowing you well.

    In life it may seem like a selfish thing to love yourself more than you do others. It is a struggle that I have faced myself. However, If one doesn’t love themselves more they can’t be loved totally by others. Those that take and take a piece of you at a time are the ones that seek you out. Just look back at life and see if this doesn’t hold truth in it.

    As for your neighbor, it shows not only how big your heart is but it also shows what life can do to someone. I know for sure I am not that kind, loving person I once was … and I miss me. However, when you don’t love yourself more people abuse you and resentment, bad attitudes, ill actions grow. They can’t help but grow due to the emotional atrocities a person has had to endure. Depending on how bad one is abused and used in life …those actions become our only protection so that we may endure the living hell of memories. Yes, those memories live on each day and sadly we become the ones that end up victimize. In short, I am sure your neighbor has been through his fair share and at one time was a man that loved deeply but didn’t love himself more.

    Sometimes people are brought into our world so that we can learn a lesson…IF we look hard enough for the answer.

    Just love yourself more, only then will you see who is using you and hurting you. Also when you love yourself more than others there is no need for the love of another so when love does happen its pure bliss.

    Take care of you and I hope you learn to see yourself as awesomely as I see you,



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