He didn’t eat much of anything yesterday. I was very worried last night and stayed with him for several hours. He isn’t talking much and is having a hard time breathing. I just helped him drink his milk and made sure he was as comfortable as I could. At one point, I did mention that I noticed he was having trouble breathing and asked if I could call a nurse of doctor to come check on him and he belted out a “NO”. I got him his oxygen tank & offered to put it on him and he said no to that too. I did a load of his laundry and told him some stories about what’s going on in my life. He’s never been too interested in hearing about my troubles but I thought maybe if I just talked as if no one was listening he’d hear in my voice how scared I am about the position I’ve put myself in to help him. I talked about his paintings I found when I cleaned out his house and told him how talented he is and wondered why they were hidden away. I told him how grateful I am for the people I have in my life that are helping me right now because I’ve dedicated all my time & energy to help him. I told him that I wished I would have slowed down more before he got this way so we could have talked more about our lives. He didn’t talk back. I don’t know if he even heard anything I was saying. It’s difficult to tell if he’s sleeping or awake. I guess it doesn’t really matter if he heard or not…I think just being there so that he’s not so alone is what he enjoys.
So this morning my assistant was right on time. We went in and I brought him his breakfast. Today he only wanted his semi-frozen milk and a large glass of ice water. My assistant gave him a sponge bath and changed the bedding. While he does that I just talk to my friend to keep him calm and comfortable. My assistant does not speak to my friend.
The first day home from the hospital he was able to walk from his bed to his bathroom with help from me and a walker and was able to make it back to his bed by himself. But now he can’t even sit up in his bed alone let alone use a toilet. We tried the bed-pan and urinal but that didn’t work either. So he’s in diapers.
Before my assistant left he gave me some advice on caring for the elderly and tips on sanitizing everything. He told me God will reward me for what I do. He says he’s never known anyone to take such good care of a person that isn’t really anyone to them besides the hermit in the neighborhood. I don’t have a cruel bone in my body. I’d help my enemy if he needed help. I don’t understand why all people aren’t as giving and caring and trustworthy. I know that’s exactly why I am hurting inside all the time. It’s hard for me to see that there is evil in so many people. I see only good.