Control Freak

I’m a control freak. Simple as that.

I make all the arrangements if I go anywhere. I can’t enjoy anything unless I plan it. I can’t ride in your car without feeling anxious. I can’t sit by and watch you prepare a meal without getting in there & helping. Well, taking over the production. I can convince you of why I should drive, cook, work, talk…on your behalf and you’ll see it my way. Or we’ll have a problem.

I think my need to always control everything has to do with the fact that I don’t trust any one. If we take your car then I won’t be able to leave if I need or want to. I won’t be able to listen to the music I like. I won’t be able to control when I turn on the blinker to make a lane change and I can’t control when & how you stop. I will get bored & frustrated with you.

I know a faster better route. I know where to stop to get a good cup of coffee or a meal…when I let go of my control I will likely become an annoyance to you.

I don’t like feeling like I am not in control of everything you do when we are doing something together, but I don’t want you to be a door mat. You better not be. I’ll become disgusted with you.

I don’t think I’m better than you. I know I’m not. I just don’t trust.