I start my days off pretty much the same every day; wake up, smoke a cigarette, make some coffee, check my e-mail, read my horoscope and wonder how it will apply to the day ahead.
I reconnected with a guy on Facebook that I knew as a teen. He’s 9 years older then me. He was a friend of my brothers. I had a huge crush on him when I was 16. He’d work on my car at the local service station every time it broke down. We had some serious chemistry going on between us. One day he asked me to meet him after work to go for a ride. I met him at the Jack in the Box parking lot, he parked his car and got into mine a he drove us to the lake here in town. I was so excited. We parked and got out. We walked down a trail towards the lake, he held my hand at first and we laughed a talked. Then he swooped me up in his arms and carried me, kissing me until we reached a heavily wooded area. I remember kissing a lot and then he asked me to take off my pants. I did. We made love in broad daylight and it was incredible. After wards we walked back to my car holding hands, talking and I fell hard for him. He then told me he was getting married in a few days and that although he liked me a lot and felt the connection we had, he couldn’t be with me. I was crushed. I cried for days after that.
A week ago I got a message from him on Facebook, after 20 years. We exchanged numbers and texted back & forth & decided to meet tonight. He’s married, unhappily of course and looking to feel wanted and appreciated again by a woman. I questioned him about his life & what his intentions are. I know he wanted to have sex with me again because he was full of the typical compliments that lured me in 20 years ago. But this time, I looked into his eyes and told him that what he did to me 20 years ago would never happen again and that he should go home to his wife and try to rekindle what he needs with her. It sickened me to hear him speak of God and how he’s such a good Christian man and gives 10% or more to the Church every week, yet goes behind his wife’s back to meet up with the hot chick from his past. I told him that I learned a lot from what he did to me, I said it with tears filling up in my eyes.
My horoscope said this:
You have a more refined sense of taste today and an eye for excellence. But physical beauty is just the beginning as it points to the perfection of the spiritual world. You are spellbound by a vision that others cannot see and that might even be elusive to you. Nevertheless, you are not motivated by more mundane goals now, so give yourself permission to surrender to your daydreams.
I gave in to my daydreams and went one step further by meeting with someone that I have daydreamed about for 20 years and the clarity it gave me about myself and the strong woman I have become is far more gratifying than sneaking off with a married man just to feel wanted and appreciated by him. I feel sorry for who he’s become. I feel sorry for his wife. I’m glad I am me and am strong enough to walk away from that negative place he’s in. It feels like it came full circle and this time he’s the loser.