Alright! I’ve had it! My feelings have never been spared, yet I censor myself to spare his feelings? Not anymore!

Hepa and I have been seeing each other for the most part since late January. We live 70 miles apart. Seven months out of the eight he hasn’t had a car decent enough to make the trip very often, so if I wanted to see him I’d drive out there. In the beginning, I was working too, so that meant if I wanted to see him during the week I’d have to make the trek twice in 24 hours. And if I didn’t time the commute right it would take about 3 hours to get home in the mornings. He’d only come to my house during the week if I agreed to watch his son for him. Looking back, I see the big picture.

He never took me out. Never bought me anything. Yet, I was constantly suggesting we get out more. I would fill his fridge with food, I bought plants for his house. I’d leave him little notes to find once he got home from work and I was gone already. I dealt with his cell phone being blown up with calls and text messages constantly…but of course, they were always “work” calls. I put up with several personal ads he belongs to. I forgave him for cheating on me. But last night was the final straw!

So, he calls me from work yesterday at 11am or so…tells me he’ll be coming over right after work. He just recently bought a new car and is able to travel freely now without worrying about it breaking down. He throws in that his company is having a going-away party right after work but he says he probably won’t end up going.Several hours later I get a text message from him asking me if he should get a sitter for his son. I call him and he let’s my call go to voice mail. I leave him a message to call me…hours & hours go by and I never hear from him.

Saturday comes and I make plans to do something with someone else and of course, just as I do he calls. He comes up with some lame-ass-story and within a few hours he’s at my front-door. He stays with me all Saturday & headed home Sunday evening. He invited me to come to his house and I told him I may come out later but I was too tired to drive out just then. I fell asleep early and woke up at about 3 am. I packed a few things in a bag & began the long 70 mile drive to his house. I pulled into his driveway at about 6:30 am. I went to the front door, tried the knob. It was locked. I knocked softly then decided to try the side door. It was open…I went in through the garage and when I opened the door into the house he was walking down the hallway towards me. It was dark but I could tell he was disturbed. We hugged. I was happy to see him but that faded quickly. He was shaking. Out of breath. Fully dressed. His bedroom was dim, only lit by the computer monitor. I asked him why he was shaking so badly…he told me I scared him awake by my knocking. I knew he was lying. I asked if he had someone there. He said yes. I asked if it was a girl, he said yes. I told him I had to go. He ushered me out not saying a word. I left the way I came in. I got in my car & just cried.

I don’t understand why I allow myself to take that sort of treatment. I’m still with him! Actually…we haven’t really been a couple since MAYBE early April. He’s cheated on me twice that I know of. I’m sure it’s much more than that.