3/13/2008: Oh let me vent


Let me start off by saying. I AM NOT PERFECT! In fact, FAR FROM IT! God knows I’ve dished out a heaping portion of my  own drama. BUT knowing what I know now…I was only reacting to the LIES that I was being forced to swallow all along.

I don’t understand.

How the hell can someone lead someone on with “I love you” and “I can’t imagine living without you” and “I’ve never been this happy in all my life and it’s because of you” and “we’re going to grow old together” then just a few hours later be loving another woman? Well, obviously all he knows to do is lie, deny, avoid, attack. My ex-boyfriend also cheated on me and of all the pain I went through with that relationship at least he had the maturity and the respect for ME to come to me the next day and say “something happened last night that shouldn’t have”.

Just last week I wrote a short article for a website. I was seeking advice about his behavior lately. I have had a gut feeling that he was fucking around behind my back again for quite a while now. And I’ve come to the conclusion that he never stopped fucking around behind my back. I don’t think there was a single moment that he ever meant a word he said to me about his feelings. I honestly don’t think he can ever truly love someone. He’s too eager to feel that new feeling you get when you are with someone new. Now I understand why he is 45 and has never been married. Not because he spent all that time in prison…but because he’s numb. He wants to mean the things he says, but it’s absolutely impossible. Just like he learned to survive in prison, he learned how to mislead and manipulate women to get what he wants.

Here’s what I wrote on www.bettyconfidential.com :

Ask Real Guys

Do You Think He’s Cheating?

Dear Ask Real Guys: My boyfriend has stopped being as attentive for no apparent reason. I’ve told him I miss how he used to be more eager to spend time with me, but he says I’m imagining it. Now he says he’s going to be too busy to see me for at least another week and a half. Since he lives 70 miles away, our schedules (work/kids) make it impossible for even a short visit. He’s cheated on me before. Should I assume he’s cheating again? Or am I making more out of this because I can’t trust him?

Steven: He is most likely cheating on you. There are two kind of cheaters: men who cheat because of a particular situation (i.e., something that’s wrong with the relationship); and then there are cheaters, men who chronically desire other women and act on those feelings. The first kind can possibly be cured; the second you are better off running in the opposite direction.

To understand the difference, ask him, “Given you have cheated on me in the past and given you are now distancing yourself, how can I know and trust you’re not cheating on me?” If he gets defensive or starts blaming you and/or doesn’t want to provide you with details or offer a workable solution, chances are he is or will soon be cheating on you. Remember, if you don’t stand up for yourself you can bet he won’t be standing up for you.

*

The answer I got was no surprise to me. The past 2 months, shit…the past 14 months I’ve sensed he was cheating, but lately it became much more obvious. Seeing the answer I got from my question was still a slap in the face…because it fits right into all the problems we’ve been having and I realize now how much he abused my heart. Every single week there was something. If I were to ask him a question like, “

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