Did you know?

Did you know I’m a cat lady? Yep, look…

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I, at one time not too long ago had 18 cats. It was an accident that I ended up with 18 cats. My cat Kiki had 2 litters back to back & I fell in love with every single one of her babies. It was so hard to give away the kittens. I decided before she got pregnant with the second litter that I was going to keep the 5 kittens she had just had. I told myself that I wouldn’t keep any of the second litter but when they were born, I was just as attached to all 8 of them as I was to the other 5 she’d just had about 4 months earlier. Anyway, I did end up finding homes for 5 of the kittens from the second litter. So I was left with 11 cats. I was fine with that. It didn’t seem like a lot to me. I had Kiki fixed and then started working on fixing the kittens one by one.

My kids went on a boating trip with their dad and came home with 5 abandoned kittens that they said they found on the side of the road. The story was that they saw the momma cat smashed by a car & the kittens were gonna get hit by a car if they didn’t pick them up. They know I can’t say no, so we found homes for 2 of them and somehow got stuck with 3. Two of my adult cats found new homes on their own.

For the next 18 months I had 11 cats. I loved watching those cats grow and change and I worked hard to gain their trust. They were all very shy. Unless you knew their name, they wouldn’t come anywhere near you. They knew my schedule and would hear my truck come up the street and all come running to greet me. Every morning, I would wake up and go into the kitchen to make my breakfast and coffee and they were right there too.  They would all stampede there to see what I was doing. Normally I would go out in the back yard for a bit and play with them. They all seemed to fight for my attention. Anyway, it went on like that until March 3 of this year. That’s when everything changed. I was home, it was a normal Saturday night. Most of the cats were inside. Whiskey & Inky got scared of something and ran out side. That was the last time I saw my Whiskey. I know I may seem crazy, but a few hours after I last saw him, I sensed something bad had happened to him, so much so that it brought me to tears and the next day, I started searching for him. I made flyers, went around & talked to neighbors, posted ads on the internet, checked all the shelters but he was just gone. A few days after that, his brother Inky disappeared, then a week later their brother Onyx vanished. Three weeks went by. I searched every single day for my cats. Then in early April, Robert disappeared, then Raider, and Dottie. The flyers I put up stirred a lot of the neighbors up. I let it be known that I suspected that someone was trapping & killing the cats in the neighborhood. Three different neighbors of mine also had their cats disappear around the same time. Animal Control got involved because it is illegal in this County to trap and animal & dispose of it or dump it somewhere. The law says if you find or trap an animal that you must take it to the local animal shelter where the family has the opportunity to find their pet. Well, even with that, the cats were disappearing. And unless I could prove who was doing it, there was nothing I could do.

And that’s kind of where I am still, I constantly look for my cats, I suspect and dislike every one of my neighbors. I’ve lost trust in people. I’m pretty bitter about what has happened. I cry most days. Some more than others. I still have 7 cats, 3 from Kiki’s first litter, none from her 2nd and 2 of the abandoned ones, Kiki and I adopted Branson on my birthday. It’s just not the same without them though. It tears my heart up not knowing what happened or who did it. My boyfriend is tired of listening to me about my cats and I can understand that but I will never give up hope and I will never stop looking for them. I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone. It makes me wonder though, did I deserve this? What did I do to deserve this? I don’t know the answer. I hope that I will someday get the answers I want. Until then, I’m gonna keep looking for them.

c e n s o r s h i p

My open mind about sex often gets me labeled easy or slutty. The label always comes from those who don’t know me well and base their opinion on what comes out of my mouth. Just because I am comfortable with the topic and won’t judge others for their preferences doesn’t mean I have done it all with everyone. I thought I’d try to blame it on me being in my sexual prime but I did some research online and found that a womans sexual prime is a myth. I guess I just have to assume I was raised this way. Although, my sex talk consisted of mom describing to me that oral sex was when he “chews” on you and/or you “chew” on him, I wasn’t made aware of much through mom or dad. The general message I remember is sex is disgusting but dad and mom did it with lots of people before they met one another.

My mom is very open about it now. Although she doesn’t use details often about her & my dad – she is more bold than any other woman I’ve ever known. Besides me. I guess it’s all in the persons upbringing and what they were taught that either makes sexually open women earn the oh so lovely tag of being loose. What I wonder is, are there any ways to find out what the majority/minority of women categorize themselves as and what category our peers would put us in.

Anyhow, I love to write about things I’ve done, things I would like to do and things that just don’t do anything for me with regard to sex. But I find myself worrying as I write out some socially unacceptable sexual scenario in a public forum like this because I know my tastes are not your everyday fantasies. I am afraid of telling too much and regretting it because of the label I will be stuck with. I know in my heart & soul who I am and I am confident about being me. But why does that little warning signal go off when I’m writing out something I get off to knowing people will read it. Why do I even care if a bunch of strangers think poorly of me?

I guess it all comes down to respect. I feel that if I talk/write a certain way I may lose the respect of some people. Have I lost respect for myself? I know I don’t feel very highly of myself right now. But I do respect me. If I have respect for who I am should that be the only thing that matters?