Woman vs. Women


In December I decided to take my best friend to a psychic to have our fortunes told for her birthday. She and I had wanted to do this since we were in high school. I always felt as if my husband wouldn’t allow me to do such a thing so this was one more thing to check off my very long list of things I can do now that my husband no longer has a say in it.

It was her birthday and she made the appointment for each of us. She had seen a psychic before and swore that I would be blown away with what they’d have to tell me. But I am a skeptic. I thought these weirdos would take my money and give me a bunch of general information that could apply to basically anyone.

She and I met in the parking lot of this psychic’s office. I was still not sure it was going to be worth the $150 that it was going to cost me but I wanted to try it & I knew it’d make my girl friend happy. Her appointment was first. I sat outside and read a book she brought for me about a woman who had supernatural senses, something I relate to.

Her 30 minute reading flew by and before I knew it she was walking out. I stood and walked towards her. I could tell she had been crying but she had a big smile on her face. She said as she walked up, “she’s good”, and with that I made my way inside her office.

I sat at a table and she introduced herself. Then quickly went through what types of readings she offered. I decided to have my palms read and my fortune told. She covered a lot of information very fast. It was information that couldn’t apply to anyone but me & most of it were things no one on earth knew about. It was jaw-dropping stuff. One thing that struck me & stayed with me since that meeting with her was about my relations with other women.

She pointed out that she knew I had never had many female friends. That I always had mostly male friends. She said that women have been jealous of me since I was a very young child, through school and into adulthood. She added that women feel threatened by me because I do not follow the same protocol they do with regard to men, sex, business and relations with other women.

All of a sudden I had validation for the way I’d felt all my life. Here it was, displayed before me on the palms of my own hands and read to me by someone I had never met in my life & had no knowledge of me besides my name, date of birth and my occupation.  She could see the surprise in my face and called me on it. She asked if her statements matched with how I’d felt inside. I told her yes. She continued her reading  and I listened but I stayed on that statement in my mind until she finished.

Throughout my life I’ve always felt a little different than the image I had/have in my mind of most women. Growing up, I was the tomboy. Sometimes tougher than some of the boys. I always controlled things. At times I was cruel to the boys. I remember a few instances where I felt a rush of…something (not exactly sure how to describe it). One of them was in my front yard. We had a huge fruitless Mulberry tree that was perfect to climb. I was playing with my good friend Aaron that lived across the street and one door down. I must have been seven or eight and he was just a bit younger than me. He climbed up into the tree first and I watched from the ground. As he found his perch he looked down at me and motioned for me to climb up. Instead of following his invitation I twisted it on him. I told him he had to take his shorts off first before I’d climb up there with him and then I’d take mine off once I got up there. He hesitated at first but eventually they came off. It was the first time I had seen a boy without pants on. I stared. I never did climb the tree. I let him sit alone, half naked, vulnerably way up in the dense tree. I pretended that I was coming up at one point but I only did it so I could get closer to him so I could snatch his shorts out of his hand. Now he couldn’t get down without having everyone see that he was naked and I enjoyed how uncomfortable he looked and sounded. He begged me to give his shorts back. I wouldn’t. No amount of begging could help him. He was up there a long time before he climbed out, without his shorts, and ran home half naked while I watched. I threw his shorts into a bush and carried on with my daily antics.  –  A dozen or so years later after his family and my family had moved away from that neighborhood and Aaron and I were adults – he came looking for me. When he found me he told me that I had become the object of his desires and I had been ever since that day in my front yard. He asked me if I would consider a relationship with him. I told him no. I knew that if I did I would mistreat him and I didn’t want that. I haven’t seen him since. I have talked with his parents and they tell me he is still very much in love (lust?) with me and even they wished he & I would have gotten married because he “needs a girl like me to straighten him out”.

Aaron wasn’t the only boy I controlled like that. There were quite a few I enjoyed humiliating on a regular basis.  And all of them came to find me once they became adults.

Then at puberty my role reversed. Well, not entirely. Some boys made me slip into a submissive state when I was in their presence while others stroked the dominant in me. I never realized it until right now. I never separated the two very different personalities before like this. I see now what happened to my relationship with my husband. Deep down, I know that I need to submit to a man for the relationship to work. My relationship with my ex-husband started off with me forcing myself to see him as the dominant when he clearly was not. It became obvious to me one day when we were in San Francisco killing time. We hadn’t been together for very long and I don’t think we were married just yet. A switch went off in me. I felt it. I think he even saw it in my face. I am sure of it now. We never discussed what happened that day because we both knew what it meant. It meant that we were not right for each other and neither of us wanted to ever admit that.

(I am shocked and relieved at the same time and needing to get back on topic now)

I’m not exactly sure why I don’t relate well to women. Maybe it’s my demeanor. Maybe it’s because I don’t hate men like most women do. Maybe it’s because I love men and respect men and understand men that women don’t like me. Maybe it’s because I don’t like women that women don’t like me. I don’t mean to offend anyone by implying that all women are the same but in my experience I know that a woman is more likely to stab another woman in the back out of jealousy than a man is. With the exception of the man that acts like and idolizes women. He’s just like them. Flamboyant. Materialistic. Shallow. Spineless. Close-minded. He’ll turn his back on you as quickly as some women do.

Maybe I’m old fashioned? I have been told I have an old soul.

BUT-

I truly believe the male should always dominate but at the same time the woman should never become a doormat. Mutual respect is required and each should know one another’s role in the relationship.

That’s my opinion and if you don’t like it, go make one of your own.

9 Comments

  1. Wow! This is what I have been trying to say about myself my whole life! I came across this after I googled a situation I keep having with a woman I work with. I have this recurring problem with women who initially reach out to be friends with me at work, at PTA meetings, at my husband’s company functions, etc. Just when I think I’m having a nice friendship with her, she starts to hate me, remark on my clothes constantly, ask catty questions, turns cold for no reason that I can find. I have blamed myself for this treatment by other women for years, and I’m so tired of searching for an answer that may very well lie in the inadequate hearts and minds of those female pseudofriends. I just don’t even want to be in that club.
    Anyway, thanks for your thoughts. Made me feel not so alone after all. 🙂

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  2. It was a heartfelt and elegant description of various life experiences that have influenced the evolution of your philosophies regarding relationships — especially when sex is a variable.

    I was quite impressed how you succinctly concluded your “thoughts” after taking me by the hand on a journey that was both intimate and intriguing.

    Throughout the narrative, I was not sure where you were leading me. You very effectively kept me in suspense until you brought the editorial to an abrupt but eloquent conclusion.

    You ingeniously tied a number of (mostly) non-related experiences together in support of an opinion which you confidently express.

    As was said in a previous commentary, keep writing….
    MM

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  3. Thanks for the post ….I am wondering if you would have reacted the same if the Mulberry tree had been the fruiting kind? …I find you to be a very unique human..thank God…glad I know you, in a way…((((( )))))))

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  4. morning relentless… watched you sleep last night for a bit… very peaceful… got in the habit of checking on you a few times a day… anyway…
    picking up on a comment you made.. do u really believe most women hate men? I thought it was an odd comment to make. No argument the relatonship is complex.. but you chose the word hate… how interesting.

    The other comment is regarding not liking women.. geesh… if I thought they were “Flamboyant. Materialistic. Shallow. Spineless. Close-minded” I would not like them either…

    keep writing..

    xxx

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  5. Good writing as always Relent…For me the switch between dom and sub depends on who I am meeting and also what mood Im in. I like both but don’t know until I’m in the situation what I prefer at that moment.
    Take care
    Coon

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  6. Hi R!

    Whether or not people like your opinion is not important. That you HAVE an opinion is what counts.

    I could write an essay on your post but I’ll try to be brief and succinct.

    In my opinion (had to put that in there) you’re being a little hard on yourself … that flawed self perception thing. That your “best friend” is a woman demonstrates that you can and do relate well to women when you so choose and that you’ve remained friends for so long further demonstrates that women do relate to and respect you. I suspect that she’s not your only close female friend. Is it that you can’t relate to women or that you choose not to?

    Being selective about in whom we invest of ourselves, male or female, is not a character flaw, it’s a positive trait! It’s the manifestation of a healthy self esteem; of independence (v – co dependence) and an awareness of what’s right for us. If we’re honest with ourselves we’ll admit that we have very few close friends of either gender but loads of acquaintances, hangers on, flunkies etc.

    In the context of your post submissive, dominant, passive, assertive etc are just words that are used to describe a state of mind and the resulting behaviour at a given time. We’re all capable of being any or all of these given the right circumstances. Some people choose to explore and act on all aspects of their personality whereas others are only able to function in one mode. It’s only of concern when one trait dominates ALL interactions. I may be wrong (I thought I was wrong once but in retrospect I was simply mistaken 😉 ) but I think I know enough to say that isn’t the case here.

    Look up “love” and you’ll find descriptions like adore and worship. Look up “respect” and you’ll find descriptions like revere and admire … not far from idolize. Using your train of thought does the fact that you “… love men and respect men and understand men …” make you just like a man? I won’t list the plethora of negative male personality traits.

    Well that’s my opinion and I’m sticking to it! Lol

    Great to see you’re still exploring. TC

    See you soon.

    E!

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  7. came across your thoughts, intrigued mostly by something you just glossed over. what are your ‘supernatural senses’? have you been back for a reading? i’ve been wanting to get one for years, but never had the courage, opportunity to, always looking for thoughts from others…. -j

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