I give up

I’ve had it with the childish games. I’m fed up with only having someones attention from throwing a fucking fit because that isn’t the kind of attention I want. I realize that women can be difficult to deal with when it comes to the emotional roller coaster some of us can get on sometimes, but I feel if you want the good you’ve gotta be willing to put up with the bad sometimes too. People aren’t robots, we don’t always behave the same in every situation. Other circumstances change our moods and create different situations. If you are always the same, you are emotionally inept. I am not skilled in being dead inside.

How is it that I keep crossing paths with people that contradict everything I am about? And more alarming, why do I fall so hard for these people when the outcome is always the same? In the end, I’ve made them a better person and I come out just a little more damaged. And bitter. And angry. And hurt. And they couldn’t care less. What will it take for me to realize & appreciate ME and not feel the need to be validated by these repugnant robots? I mean, I know I  am a good person already, I know I have a lot going for me, I know I’m a good mom and was a great wife. I don’t judge people and I have no criminal record. I crave new things and want to inspire others (into doing things my way lol). Why would I need to be important to someone that doesn’t even listen to what I need to say or accept me for who I am? I don’t know, I think I think too much and I need to learn to just let things lie the way they will and stop trying to force things to follow a certain path, one that I’ve created in my mind for whatever reason. To me, that sounds like I am giving up and allowing myself to die inside. I don’t want to ever be one of those people. I want to have the life that I see where it all just fits together and I am happy and personally successful. Not financially or socially or anything else…just good with me and not feeling like there’s more that I need. How do I get there? It’s not by giving myself to someone that doesn’t cherish me, that’s for sure. That person deserves the pain I feel, not me. I’m not going to take the poison anymore hoping you die, I’m walking away and counting all my blessings, especially the ones that you’ll never have the chance of ever knowing again. This time I’m not going to allow the damage to come with me, I’m leaving it with you where it belongs!

Once upon a time…FUCK YOU…the end.