It seems to me lately, that the single people I know don’t really want a relationship in the traditional sense of the word. I’ve always led my life believing that you were either single and looking for a relationship or in a relationship. Not until the past 6 months or so, did I really come to appreciate just being single. I think I have always defined who I was based on who I was with. So if I were single, I felt no real identity of my own. That’s a scary lonely place. Not knowing who you are or what you’re worth. I always had an urgency to have to find another boyfriend to be with so I had a place in life that I could mold & change and to just function every day. But now, as I am getting closer & closer to my next birthday again, I am enjoying me. I like who I am, not always, but I can change the things I don’t necessarily like. And I can change them for me, not to please someone else, as I have done in the past. What I’ve found is that being single for me isn’t about being able to have sex with anyone I want whenever I want, like most men think of women. It’s about being able to experience life on my terms. I can accept an invitation or not. I can eat where I want & come home when I want. I can stay home for days on end if I want & not have to hear a damn word about it from anyone, but myself. I don’t like to disappoint people. I try to consider other peoples feelings when I do do things but all in all, I am trying to make me happy and trying to also figure out what I’ve been put here for. What’s my purpose in life? I don’t believe it was to be a wife & mother, if it were, I would think that that part of my life would have been more rewarding & enjoyable. I don’t know why I’m here yet. But right now, I know that the path I’m on is the right one and I’m looking forward to staying on my path. Alone for the most part.
