In Sympathy

Last night, I went through a box from my moms things. It was an old shoe box labeled “Master Bedroom”. It was full of greeting cards that my mom had saved over the years. Mostly from the last 4-5 years before she died. It seemed like it was only ones she had collected from the time that she & her boyfriend started to see each other.

Speaking of her boyfriend, I should give a little background on him. He & my mom went to school together in Sacramento. They dated in junior high. My mom dropped out of school in 9th grade and lost contact with him. Fast forward 60 years and they ran into each other again at a funeral and instantly picked up where they left off. Except for one thing, he had a girlfriend and lied to my mom about it. Well, my mom was devastated and didn’t speak to him for another couple of years. Then his girlfriend died and he came crawling back to my mom and she was ok with it and he ended up moving from Montana to California and in with my mom. When he came here everything changed. My mom’s health declined, she stopped spending as much time with me and my daughters. He was always rude and just gave me a weird feeling like he was up to something. I even did a background check on him, which is not something I usually do, just because I felt he was no good. It came out clean, but really, those things can’t tell you everything you want to know. Anyways, he stayed with my mom until the end and then moved out of my moms place and in with his daughter in Sacramento. I haven’t spoken to him once since he left but now, I am feeling like I need to say a few words to him before he dies (he has lung cancer and was diagnosed a week after my mom died from it).

Which leads me back to what I found in that box of cards. As I was looking through the many birthday greeting, christmas cards and whatnot, I came to a stack of cards held together by a rubber band. I took the rubber band off and noticed they were all “In Sympathy” cards for my mom’s passing. None of which I had ever seen. I opened one after the other and read them. They were all addressed to Carl, or to Carl and my 2 girls. Not a single one of those cards mentioned me. These cards were from my Aunt’s and Uncle’s and cousins, and second cousins. People I’ve known, and assumed were my family, my entire life. But not one of them said anything about me. This morning when I woke up, I said something to my daughter about it and I burst into tears. I didn’t realize how much it hurt, to know that not one of my family members cared enough to let me know they were thinking of me during that time. And since then, not one of them have ever contacted me or anything.

So my question now is, I want to contact Carl, and tell him how I feel about him coming into my moms life & because of his dislike for me, he ruined my relationship with my mom which in turn turned my entire family against me and now, I have no one. I feel he needs to know what he has done and get this burden off my chest and on to his, where it rightfully belongs. Am I wrong?

2 responses to “In Sympathy”

  1. Just to let you know, in the business and finance world – “The Power is in Knowing”.

    Some of the best strategies evolve when one side knows what the other is planning. A good strategist never lets on what they know or how they came across the information. It is a very powerful thing. You hold all the cards.

    Perhaps in your social world you have known something about someone. That person might look at you and think to themselves: “You know that I know, that you know what know. May sound weird.

    You, through your discovery, now know what kind of person Carl is. He will never pull anything off on you again. If in his presence and he begins with anything, especially anything good about you – just look him in the eye and say nothing. He will know that you know and probably crawl back under the rock from which he came.

    You have the power, girl. That is huge.

    Letting him have it would only make you feel better for the moment. A few minutes after that – you might find yourself feeling bad about what you said., Not much gain in that.

    Hang on to your power – you might use it some day – but not this day when you are already upset. Wait till you are calm.



    1. You are so right. After I wrote this I thought to myself and decided that I really don’t need anyone in my life that will take someone’s word against me and cut ties with me over it. I think it is shallow of my Aunt’s & Uncle’s and cousins and whoever else is missing now, to turn their back on me. I don’t need them or anyone to validate me. I don’t really like any of them anyways. My mom knew in the end what was up, she & I talked about it. A week before she died she came to me in confidence and told me she didn’t trust Carl and asked me if she should tell him to leave. I left that up to her. But I think it was wrong for him to have ever come to live with my mom. He is a gold digger. He followed the wallet. So, I won’t give him the power of my knowledge. I will just keep on moving ahead and forget all the people that never thought about me to begin with. Their loss, not mine. I am fortunate enough now to start with a blank slate. I have no baggage, so to speak. No one will pop up in my future and cause me problems, they’re all dead to me. Thank you for your insight. I honestly expected that someone would just agree with me & tell me I should call him & spill the beans. I’m glad you didn’t. I respect you for it.


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