I am amazed at how easily people will blame others for their own actions. I have been the scapegoat for people’s bullshit all of my life. I am not a pushover. I just don’t give a fuck about what people think. I just think that it’s a chickenshit thing to do to blame someone else for something they had no control of or knowledge of. I guess people just do it to clear their own conscience. I have done it one time in my life and it sat on my conscience for longer than it should have and I made peace with the people it affected when I needed to. But what about the people that never make amends with it? What about the people that were affected negatively by it? I have let a lot of the things I’ve been blamed for go, but there are some things that continue to bother me. Things that have been said, that were lies, that no one else carries on their conscience for me. Things that made me lose friends and family. Do I stand up for myself and try mending the damage done or do I just move on with the knowledge that those people are weak & not worth a place in my life to begin with? I’m going with the latter. I don’t need or want weak people like that in my life.
I’m trying to come to a point in my writing where I have no filter. I want to be able to write about what is going on in my life in detail and not worry about hurting anyone’s feelings because the longer I keep it inside, the longer I allow it to do damage to my spirit. Placing the blame back onto the person and people that deserve it is what needs to happen, regardless if they ever read my blog or accept the blame. I need it off my chest. I don’t deserve it. I feel the longer I keep it in, the longer they win the war. I am no loser. I just don’t care enough about them to even want to play the game.
Let me say that I admire your candid assessment of how to deal with “blame”. As an aspiring writer I also endeavor to learn how to write without filter. I find I can accomplish it in short spurts, but struggle to sustain it for extended periods. Always remember that carrying that blame “allows other people to live in your head rent free” as someone much smarter than me once said. I wish you the best, and wanted you to be aware that others (like me) share your struggle.
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Whether you come up with a solution, one way, or the other, It’s still awesome that you are writing/putting your feelings onto paper. No one other than a qualified therapist knows the answers to….in fact, let me stop myself, because even THEY don’t have “answers” to the concerns you have in your relationships. They will only try to guide you to what they feel will help you the best. I just would like to say that the fact that you are writing in and of itself is awesome. And speaks to how much stronger you are. Keep up the good work.
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you have to forgot the ones who hold you back or try to hold you down and realize you are leaps and bounds better than they are
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