I am amazed at how easily people will blame others for their own actions. I have been the scapegoat for people’s bullshit all of my life. I am not a pushover. I just don’t give a fuck about what people think. I just think that it’s a chickenshit thing to do to blame someone else for something they had no control of or knowledge of. I guess people just do it to clear their own conscience. I have done it one time in my life and it sat on my conscience for longer than it should have and I made peace with the people it affected when I needed to. But what about the people that never make amends with it? What about the people that were affected negatively by it? I have let a lot of the things I’ve been blamed for go, but there are some things that continue to bother me. Things that have been said, that were lies, that no one else carries on their conscience for me. Things that made me lose friends and family. Do I stand up for myself and try mending the damage done or do I just move on with the knowledge that those people are weak & not worth a place in my life to begin with? I’m going with the latter. I don’t need or want weak people like that in my life.
I’m trying to come to a point in my writing where I have no filter. I want to be able to write about what is going on in my life in detail and not worry about hurting anyone’s feelings because the longer I keep it inside, the longer I allow it to do damage to my spirit. Placing the blame back onto the person and people that deserve it is what needs to happen, regardless if they ever read my blog or accept the blame. I need it off my chest. I don’t deserve it. I feel the longer I keep it in, the longer they win the war. I am no loser. I just don’t care enough about them to even want to play the game.