I just saw a post from a male friend of mine on FB and it was a picture of a bouquet of roses that he gave to his wife to celebrate their new house and being married 20 years.
Not too too many years ago, this same man was in love with me. I was newly separated and kinda behaving badly and got into a tryst with him. He was talking about leaving his wife (who I never met) and being with me. I was just having fun and not interested in anything that was going to hold me back but I enjoyed his humor and the attention and our nights out on the town when he was able to get away (which was a lot). The “relationship” came to an end when I stood him up at a concert that he planned for us during a weekend getaway, at his expense. I felt badly about it but I really didn’t want to be stuck with him all weekend and I felt he was becoming too clingy. It broke his heart. Bad.
We have since talked about that whole situation and I made it very clear to him that I wasn’t interested in what he wanted and I also had many long conversations with him regarding his marriage. Since I had just left my husband, I knew what he would go through and I talked to him about why he was unhappy at home. I tried to tell him that he really needs to think it through before he brings up divorce because it’s not easy and if you ever have any doubts about it that you shouldn’t give up on your spouse.
A couple years after he & I stopped seeing each other, we got a chance to catch up. He actually came looking for me. I was nervous. I didn’t know what he was going to say but I had an open mind. He came to me & said that he wanted to thank me for treating him the way I did that weekend when I stood him up. He said that everything I had explained to him about being married and the reasons someone would go through with a divorce stuck with him and he hit bottom after that weekend. He went home to his wife and although she was mad, he could feel her relief that he was home. He said he realized how important his wife and children were and that since then his life is completely changed. He found his love again for his wife and saw his children in a new light and that they were more beautiful than ever. I was so happy for him. And them. It truly made me feel good because I knew my words and actions caused him and his precious family to remain intact. Although he cheated on her, it really helped his relationship and life and the lives of the 3 people that depended on him for his love and support.
Seeing the post today brought back these memories and I feel good knowing that without my influence, both good and bad, that family wouldn’t be celebrating such a wonderful milestone together.
I can’t help but think of how my situation could have been different had I known then what I know now but I can honestly say that my divorce was necessary. My girls and I have struggled more with me being single but at least we’re not still being abused. My life is beautiful and I know there are many other lives I have changed because of my openness, my heart, and my care for others. Someone told me once that I was given the gift of Mercy and I like to believe that. 🙂