One year later


The last few days I’ve felt short bursts of sadness come out of nowhere. Yesterday alone I cried a half dozen times. I have been watching the calendar and counting the days all year and it still kind of snuck up on me that it’s been a year since my mom died. A year today.

Even after I pulled my mail from my mailbox and opened a card from my Aunt, it still didn’t really register what the card was for. I thought it was just her thoughtful gesture of mailing a card now & then just to let me know she’s thinking of me. But this time, the card wasn’t delivering a birthday wish to anyone in the house. It was a simple message to say she’s thinking of her sister and misses her too. And that she hopes I have faith and I’m holding on tight through this rough time in my life.

It finally clicked. It’s been a year. And I started to cry.

I remembered how helpless she was in her final days and how vulnerable and fragile she seemed. I missed holding her hand and feeling her soft warm skin in mine. I missed being there whispering to her about how I love her and that I didn’t want to say goodbye yet. I wished I didn’t have to be strong, I wanted her to hold me and make the pain go away. But I had to be strong and help her to make her pain go away.

 

1 Comment

  1. Your message from your aunt, as she talked about her sister . . .
    Your being strong as your Mom started her journey to Heaven . . .
    Remember,she may have been with her Mom, when she passed . .
    You remembering being with her . . . .
    All of these things are . . . “Circles of Love”.
    You have the most love to give and share . . . don’t rush . . .
    You daughter feels your love – she knew you were with your Mom . . .
    She will be with you . . . when you get your wings . . .
    “Circles of Love” “Circles of Love” “Circles of Love”

    George. .

    Like

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