No way out

So, I’ve gotten myself into something that I can’t get out of. At least I don’t think I can get out of it. And I already regret my decision.

My Dad, being an immigrant, came to the U.S. to have a better life and to work hard and achieve the American Dream of having everything he ever dreamed of. He achieved it. And in death, left me a plot of land that he wanted me to eventually use to make my own dreams come true.

My Dad never imagined I would end up divorced and raising my girls alone. He always saw me as never having to worry about my future and the future of my daughters because for one, I was still seemingly happily married while he was still alive and financially set for life and two, the land he bought, was going to be a “gold mine” someday for me and it brought him great satisfaction knowing the land would bring great things for me.

As I choke back my tears, I am haunted with my unfortunate decision to sell the land, only because I can’t afford to buy out the other party at this time. So, I’m losing my Father’s pot of gold because I have no other choice. At least I don’t think I do. It is eating me up. With every e-mail I get of the progress the transaction is making, I have to swallow the lump in my throat harder. I’ve begged to find clarity for this but my gut tells me to stop everything before it’s gone and I have no chance of realizing my dreams that were also the dreams of my Father.

I miss you Dad. I don’t know what to do. I am angry and hurt and I don’t know what to do. I need someone to help me. I need to find the strength to be the woman I know I am and do what I have to do in order to stand up in your honor and follow through with your dream. Because I feel it in my chest so deep when I think of what we talked about all those years ago and it’s a pain that can only be healed one way. I keep waiting for the path to get easier but it isn’t. And I’m running out of time fast.

My dad has been coming to me in dreams more lately and to me they’re not just dreams. I know it’s my subconscious, but it’s also the impact my dad made on me years ago when he’s talk to me so passionately about what he saw for me. I saw it too. I still do and I have that same passion. It’s just clouded now with everything that’s happened in my life since then. I don’t know what to do. I will regret it if I don’t find peace with whatever decision I make.

I need to shit or get off the pot, as he always said. I really do.

8 responses to “No way out”

  1. Were you trashed by the earthquake? Cats spooked? Haven’t seen you on. Hope all’s well.


  2. Viva the progress! A masterpeace!


  3. give the land to your youngest daughter and make it like a trust she cant touch till shes 18 talk to a lawyer to see if its doable, i think it is good luck


  4. Hey, remember that your Dad wanted only the best for you. If selling is the solution than so be it.
    Personally, I would rather see my daughter able to take care of herself than to have to rely on a man or inheritance from me. With that said, I also hope to be able to leave her a bazillion dollars to play with, knowing that she is a smart woman and will use the money wisely.
    he will be proud to see you can make this decision and feel good about it. Be happy with your choice. Think about it, as a parent dont you want more than anything for your daughters to be happy and healthy.
    Life is to short to dwell on the what ifs………
    Your doing what you feel you need to do to preserve what you can.

    Make those new memories for yourself. He will be right beside you, smiling at the woman you have become~~



  5. If the land is held jointly with “the other party” and you refuse to sell, does that mean some developer’s offer is refused as well as any future third party offers? Why not stand your ground?


    1. I’m not sure of the details in the contract regarding that.

      I’m not standing my ground because I initially realized I don’t have the liquid to buy out the other party and decided that I will take the liquid I receive from this land and purchase something that will be just mine. Not that property that has so many memories tied into it for me. I wanted to make new memories with what I buy. But I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. I need help. I need to go over details of this with someone that can help me choose my path. I can’t do this alone. I will take the path of least resistance every time.


      1. You want to stake new ground, then, “make new memories.” You probably should talk to a financial planner/real estate lawyer. If there is a demand for the land you co-own and you block the sale, then the co-owner will be driven to propose an offer you can’t refuse, or the buyer(s) now or later will have to offer more. Of course, there’s also the issue of the property you hope to buy, its availability and market price. Choices! Happiness!


  6. Set a day when the weather is nice – Visit his grave – and talk to him.
    He has been watching you for a long time and never wanted his “pot of gold” to be a burden on you.
    Let him give you peace.


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