I believe that my mom was convinced by a family member at the very last moments of her life that something I wrote here in this blog many years before was really how I still felt about her. She was so doped up on morphine that she believed everything you told her. She was persuaded to change her will and trust and just like that the life I had been raised to expect changed tragically. I didn’t find out what had been changed specifically until after she was already gone.
I have had nearly 3 years now to figure out what to do and to deal with the emotional and physical toll it has taken on me. Physically, I need to relive the stress better to improve my health. I went hiking and it nearly killed me. I seriously ended up in the emergency room because I couldn’t breathe. That opened my eyes up to what’s happening to my health because I am allowing the events of my mothers death affect me still. I have had to force myself to accept the “what is” and I’m trying to let go of the “what was”. It is working. And I know it is because I am writing about it, publicly, on my blog. I couldn’t even think of it in the beginning without crying hard. I know I’m getting better. And physically, I have decided to move out of the city and into the gold country with my daughter where we will be close to lots of hiking, lakes, rivers and casinos. I am trading in the family home that’s been in the family for around 60 years for my own new life and new home with land and animals and trees and grass and water and new adventures and memories. One’s that I hope will be just as wonderful as all the ones I’ve had in the family home that I’m leaving behind. It’s time someone new loves the house like I should have but just can’t anymore. Time for change. And a new healthier lifestyle. Time to heal. And rejuvenate my spirit and connect again with my soul.
🙂 More to come…
r e l e n t l e s s 
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