Conscience of the King


I haven’t cried as hard as I’ve cried today in a very long time. So hard that my eyes hurt. Everything finally came to the end. I’m mostly upset that I was scammed & lied to & ripped off by someone I completely trusted in my home. I’m upset that I was manipulated into believing lies and taken advantage of by this person.

I’m not going to go on & on about any piece of shit that hurt me. I am stronger & better than that and I will take the pain and make it into a lesson I will never forget. You on the other hand, can keep right on that path you’re on.

The bottom was an ugly, scary, dirty place that was like a horror film set in a trailer half hanging over the edge of a levee deep in the thick of the delta where there really are homosexual men hiding naked in the tooleys waiting for other men to stumble upon them. The shit I’ve seen with my own eyes and what I’ve dealt with is just plain unbelievable. I don’t know if very many people even know. But I was sheltered so maybe it’s me that was the last to know. Anyway, I am trying to keep on a positive note. My point is that I might have cried my eyes out today from the circumstances I’m dealing with with the final straw being drawn in my life for more than a few people I’d been dealing with for the past almost 3 years. My jewelry was stolen, I learned who my friends are and who isn’t for real. I learned some people will lie til the very end, never giving you any peace at all for something you questioned. They’ll even go as far as blaming it all on you when you’re absolutely not to blame at all. They’ll take from you when you aren’t looking and they’ll blame it on someone else that you thought for sure you could trust then turn around and help you look for the missing item, as if they really didn’t do it. Then tell you how much they care & love you and swear they’d never ever do anything like that to you…but it’s them. They are criminals. How the fuck did I end up there? The only part about any of what I’ve been through is I cut it out. All of it. I took the appropriate route out.

Now it’s my time to stick to my original plan. The one that I was working towards 3 years ago. My goal…the one that I got yanked away from so rudely by someone who saw how radiant I was when I was working head-on for it. They were sucked in to me like a moth to flame in a dark room. They lied, cheated, all that shit, just to be as close as they could possibly get, to steal all they could possibly pilfer from me because they are lowly, weak scumbags that let jealousy and insecurity dictate their actions. I can only learn from my mistake now and move forward.

That’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m fine. I’m better than fine. I’m free. I was so hurt, crying my eyes out and something happened. My daughter saw me. She asked what was going on. I told her everything. Well not everything but the main issues and the realizations I was coming to with it being the very bottom. She is just as shocked as I am. But then another thing happened. Out of the blue, some friends I haven’t heard from in a long time contacted me, several friends actually, throughout the day, popped up randomly to talk. The whole universe seemed to shift and it opened up my world to better, happier, healthier things. I realized my life isn’t over. Those losers didn’t take shit from me. I still have all my most precious possessions in my spirit and my soul. I actually feel better. A huge heavy moldy old crappy weight was lifted off my shoulders and I will never look back again. Sleep on motherfuckers! Karma is gonna have it’s way with you long and hard.

The conscience of the king is free and clear. Don’t get in my way. You’ll regret it.

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