Narcissism, Narcissistic, Narcissist.

I never knew what my problem was. I blamed myself for a multitude of things that were never my fault in any way. But I thought (actually, I didn’t even think at all) if I just accepted whatever horrific thing I was being blamed for yet again, that the narcissist in my life would see my love and loyalty and dedication to them and they’d finally love me. The love that I know I deserve. But man, was I ever wrong!

My sibling is a narcissist. I believe my mother was one as well. I was conditioned to just accept that nobody cares, nobody will ever care. Nobody can love me. Nobody will ever love me. Nothing anyone does to me will ever matter and they will never be punished for the awful things they do to me. This is the way my life has gone. I was conditioned to not matter. To anyone.

This has made me not fight for things that were rightfully mine to fight for. My boundaries. My happiness.  My success.  Now I just entered the last year of my forties and what the narcissists throughout my life have done is lied about who I am to anyone and everyone that would listen. Their attempt to ruin my reputation. To ruin my spirit.  To take away any chance for me to just have peace in my life. They’ve turned my extended family against me with lies. They’ve stolen from me and blamed me for it so the family shuns me instead of them.  They stalk me to find out who I have in my life and then actively seek those people out and befriend them specifically so they can tell them lies about me so they end up cutting ties with me. All in an effort to keep me isolated and alone.

So many nasty things have happened throughout my life that these people had something to do with making it happen.

I’ve lost jobs from their lies.

I’ve lost acquaintances from their lies.

I’ve lost my credibility from their lies.

What I have learned is these individuals are JEALOUS, WEAK, DESPERATE, LONELY, CRIMINALS, IMMORAL, and deeply damaged with absolutely no tools to ever get better. Fortunately, they end up alone once Karma catches up with them and the evils they caused eats them like cancer. Nobody wants them after they are exposed for who they really are and what they have done to good, innocent human beings. They rely on that mask they desperately try to keep over their real hidden identity. As soon as anyone sees the mask start to slip, they lash out, become dangerous and violent and desperate to keep the facade since they rely on that to survive.

Those of us who are mentally and emotionally healthy don’t need to pretend we are someone we aren’t. We don’t need to pretend to love someone or something. We don’t need to create a false identity because who we really are is so atrocious that we seek to hide it desperately so people will like us. We actually don’t care if anyone likes us. People just naturally like us and if they don’t, we don’t care. We don’t have to go around talking about anyone in a bad way so it boosts our ego. We don’t have to sabotage anyone so they fail and we win. We fail and handle it in a natural, mature way. Or we win and feel the genuine accomplishment of it. We don’t steal from someone when they have more than we do. We actually celebrate their good fortune with them. We don’t undermine someone if we sense they may come up on a good situation. We allow them to enjoy the success and celebrate alongside them in an authentic way. Narcissists are not able to do any of these things because they are incapable of being happy. Ever. About anything. Unless they believe someone somewhere is suffering that they have what they think is success, popularity, good fortune, whatever.

Now that I’ve finally learned how to spot these disgusting humans, I feel the need to expose what they have done and continue to do to hurt others. The red flags can be very subtle, so it’s important to pay close attention to the things they say. Their lack of compassion and empathy can be hard to spot since they’ve learned how to pretend very well over the years. They might say they care or are concerned about you but you have to pay attention to their actions, not their words. They will routinely drop that ball. They will tell you what they know you want to hear but they won’t mean any of it and you won’t realize it until you’ve been let down by them over and over. Future faking is what they use to keep their victim bonded to them but they never follow through with the future they promised with you.

They will steal from you and then be the one that helps you look for what they stole. All while they blame you very covertly for having actually misplaced whatever it is you’re missing. Making you have to question your own sanity. This is one thing they all do and is a guaranteed trait you will face at some point while they have you in their sights.

I feel now that I have a duty to expose and bring awareness to everyone about these evil people. Unfortunately, I’ve become somewhat of an expert on the dysfunctional dynamic between a narcissist and the empath. And just because I am an empath, doesn’t mean I am weak. In fact, empathic people are much stronger than the narcissist. Narcissists cannot handle having any kind of feelings. They want to make others suffer the way they suffer. And they will always suffer, while empaths are genuinely solid, kind hearted, helpful and happy to their core and are able to bounce back from the abuse by a narcissist and love deeply again.

Now that I know what happened in my life, I have a firm grasp on my own identity and strength and I’m looking forward to my freedom and the fight I have to make my life better without these rotted souls in my way anymore. Karma took a while but is doing its job and I’m grateful for that.

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