open relationships


What exactly is an open relationship? My definition of ‘open relationship’ is there’s no commitment to any one person. So isn’t an open relationship the same thing as ‘friends with benefits’? In other words, if a person wants an open relationship he or she is a polygamist. And that word (for me) stirs all sorts…

7 Years


When I was a little girl I would often have thoughts of losing one or both of my parents. I don’t mean in a grocery store. Since my parents had me quite late in life it was normal for them to be planning for the day they would die. But as a little girl, maybe…

l i a r


We’re all guilty of it. But the little white lies are not what I’m writing about. They’re the big lies. Cheating. Stealing. Who you are. What you do. Your sexuality and desires. I have lied in the past about some of these things. I’m just like everyone else. I tell myself, “I can’t admit to…

L i f e I s C r u e l


I got married at 20. Bought my first home at 20. Had my first child at 22. Acquired my first corporation at 24. At 25 I went out dancing for the first time ever with my girl friend. I had NO IDEA what it was like out there. I never wanted to go home again!…

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


It frustrates me to no end when my children call while they’re with their Dad and I can hear him in the background on his phone talking with his girlfriend the way he once talked to me. It’s frustrating when I hear what he talks to them about. Why does he have to discuss our…

f o r g i v e n e s s


Today is one of those days. Those days where you just don’t care anymore. Where you just want to take one last drive alone down the Pacific Coast highway and launch yourself off a cliff at 150 mph into the end. Yeah, I’m having one of those days. I just want to listen to sad…

Noooooooo! Not VD, again?!?


    Ugh! Valentine’s Day.   Here it is again.   I will keep this as brief as I can.   This day fills me with memories of disappointment and feelings of insignificance. It just reminds me that I don’t have a man in my life that’s going to take me out for a romantic…

a l o n e


            After working on the division of our smaller assets for nearly two weeks we finally agreed on what he would take. I procrastinated for a year, dreading that list. But there it all was – listed out on my excel spreadsheet. All those memories we made together. Fifteen years….

a 5-pack of Bic lighters


    After 13 months devoted to this guy, this is what I get for a Christmas gift. This, a magazine rack and a bottle of red wine, personally signed by him! I realize we had a rough year but my fucking gawd, can a person be anymore insensitive? Only 2 weeks before he’d mentioned…

s k i n d e e p


  Everyone is initially attracted to a person by their physical appearance. That initial lure can be very strong off of appearances only. I’ve always had the theory that women that go way overboard with their make-up, hair, big fake tits, clothes and accessories are shallow and superficial. They’re usually blondes and the rest of…

Authenticity


In my book of life… The chapter is closed. It’s a brand new day. My responsibilities to myself, to my children, to my employer are the background to my life. Taking care of me by removing the negative components that have tried to ruin me for the past thirteen months or so has been done….

Que Sera Sera


Five days of trying to connect with him to move past-move forward-move on, I finally get him to stop long enough to tend to the wreckage. Allbeit Sunday morning, 2:30 am, there was no way I was sleeping anyway…I finally get my answers. I spent the hours prior to seeing him trying to compile questions…

Black Lace Dress


I think most women can relate to this…   I have this black lace dress that was very expensive. I wore it once. I bought it for my trip with my boyfriend (at the time) to Canada. I take it with me when I travel now just in case I end up needing it. But…

20 Doors Down


Suburbia? Scraped up knees and secret rendezvous under the cover of darkness. Feeling the hard fireplace hearth as I rest my body there-puffing my cigarette, the heat radiating on my back from the flames, looking across the table into your eyes as you said those words a year ago, a feeling inside my chest like…

Christmas 2006


He & I have been having such a hard time. He’s been using what I’ve been up to as an excuse to not be with me. A few weeks before Christmas he & I decided that we would spend New Years Eve together…no matter what we ended up doing…we’d be together. I   h e l…

Epiphany!


Written 10/1/06: Hi ****, Last Friday and Saturday we talked briefly about things. I got a lot from the conversations even though they were short. You said you thought I need my space to re-prioritize my life. You also said that I have nothing to offer you anymore, that my life is a mess and…

Clouded


This e-mail was sent to him 9/28/06. Everything that has happened lately has me really wondering about your real feelings ****. I’m beginning to feel that you’re not being true to me or true to yourself about what you want. You know (maybe too well) how I feel. Aside from me not telling the truth…

Cheater!


This post is an e-mail I wrote to him that was prompted by a voicemail message he left me, when he couldn’t get ahold of me the night that he told me he cheated on me. He accused me of now going out & cheating on him for revenge. That’s funny. ****, I don’t need…

Vancouver, British Columbia


November 3 through 8, 2006 I have been wanting to go to Vancouver for 5 years or so. I decided October 30 to make reservations to go there just 4 days later (Friday, November 3, 2006). I called ‘him’ and invited him to go too. He agreed. I made plans for us to be there…