7 Years


When I was a little girl I would often have thoughts of losing one or both of my parents. I don’t mean in a grocery store. Since my parents had me quite late in life it was normal for them to be planning for the day they would die. But as a little girl, maybe…

l i a r


We’re all guilty of it. But the little white lies are not what I’m writing about. They’re the big lies. Cheating. Stealing. Who you are. What you do. Your sexuality and desires. I have lied in the past about some of these things. I’m just like everyone else. I tell myself, “I can’t admit to…

L i f e I s C r u e l


I got married at 20. Bought my first home at 20. Had my first child at 22. Acquired my first corporation at 24. At 25 I went out dancing for the first time ever with my girl friend. I had NO IDEA what it was like out there. I never wanted to go home again!…

t r a i t s


Traits for Finding a Lifelong Mate 1. Choose someone as though you were blind. Close your eyes and see what you can FEEL; their kindness, loyalty, insight, devotion, their ability to be concerned with you, their ability to care for themselves as an independent being. 2. Choose a person who has the ability to learn,…

a l o n e


            After working on the division of our smaller assets for nearly two weeks we finally agreed on what he would take. I procrastinated for a year, dreading that list. But there it all was – listed out on my excel spreadsheet. All those memories we made together. Fifteen years….

a 5-pack of Bic lighters


    After 13 months devoted to this guy, this is what I get for a Christmas gift. This, a magazine rack and a bottle of red wine, personally signed by him! I realize we had a rough year but my fucking gawd, can a person be anymore insensitive? Only 2 weeks before he’d mentioned…

s k i n d e e p


  Everyone is initially attracted to a person by their physical appearance. That initial lure can be very strong off of appearances only. I’ve always had the theory that women that go way overboard with their make-up, hair, big fake tits, clothes and accessories are shallow and superficial. They’re usually blondes and the rest of…

Authenticity


In my book of life… The chapter is closed. It’s a brand new day. My responsibilities to myself, to my children, to my employer are the background to my life. Taking care of me by removing the negative components that have tried to ruin me for the past thirteen months or so has been done….

Que Sera Sera


Five days of trying to connect with him to move past-move forward-move on, I finally get him to stop long enough to tend to the wreckage. Allbeit Sunday morning, 2:30 am, there was no way I was sleeping anyway…I finally get my answers. I spent the hours prior to seeing him trying to compile questions…

20 Doors Down


Suburbia? Scraped up knees and secret rendezvous under the cover of darkness. Feeling the hard fireplace hearth as I rest my body there-puffing my cigarette, the heat radiating on my back from the flames, looking across the table into your eyes as you said those words a year ago, a feeling inside my chest like…

On the move


I’m gathering my things. All my thoughts. No one cares. But I do. My accomplishments go unnoticed. To everyone. But me. My feelings aren’t important. To anyone. Except me. I gave it all I had, my husband, my poor husband, I wish he were here now to make it all ok again. But he’s gone….

Christmas 2006


He & I have been having such a hard time. He’s been using what I’ve been up to as an excuse to not be with me. A few weeks before Christmas he & I decided that we would spend New Years Eve together…no matter what we ended up doing…we’d be together. I   h e l…

Clouded


This e-mail was sent to him 9/28/06. Everything that has happened lately has me really wondering about your real feelings ****. I’m beginning to feel that you’re not being true to me or true to yourself about what you want. You know (maybe too well) how I feel. Aside from me not telling the truth…

Cheater!


This post is an e-mail I wrote to him that was prompted by a voicemail message he left me, when he couldn’t get ahold of me the night that he told me he cheated on me. He accused me of now going out & cheating on him for revenge. That’s funny. ****, I don’t need…