Vancouver, British Columbia

November 3 through 8, 2006

I have been wanting to go to Vancouver for 5 years or so. I decided October 30 to make reservations to go there just 4 days later (Friday, November 3, 2006). I called ‘him’ and invited him to go too. He agreed. I made plans for us to be there 4 nights. We ended up staying in Canada 5 nights. We totally felt famous…I rented us a Hummer and we stayed right downtown, well, the shady part of downtown anyway. I was glowing! I was with the very person I wanted to be with, exploring this new place together, at least I thought he was the person I wanted to be there with.

The first night was fun.The second night we were no longer having much fun. We always have a great time on the first night of partying. We hooked up with this guy who rented a room above a dance club just a block away from our hotel. This Brian guy started talking about his wife, who was back at their ‘room’. Having a 4-some was implied. He described her as a tall, beautiful blond with a gorgeous bod. We all ended up kinda deciding that we’d get together later that night at the dance club. We dropped the guy off & told him we’d find him later. My man & I went back to our room and got ready.

We left (walking) for the club. The line was super long to get in. We decided to go find Brian & his wife’s room just upstairs. It was like an old motel converted into apartments. There was a guy that you had to talk to to go get the the people you were visiting brought down to you, like a pimp door man. We asked for Brian and gave the guy his room number. He left & when he came back he had some chick with him. She was blond. Her clothes were old & dirty. She looked as if she hadn’t had a shower for quite a while. She introduced herself as Brian’s wife. She led us to their room. It was a fucking filthy crack-shack. I’d never seen anything like it. Well, at least not since high school.

Brian wasn’t even there. He told her we might stop by. We hung out with her for a while. He then asked her if she had anything to drink. She said there was a vending machine on another floor. He gave her $5 and asked her to go get us some sodas. LOL She did! He popped a porn into the VCR and I started giving him a BJ. She ended up walking in on us and was very uncomfortable. We talked a little more with her then went back downstairs to that club.

We ended up dancing & meeting another couple. Mostly though…women were all over him and he just eats it up. You know, I don’t mind if they’re attracted to him & he flirts a little but I am almost positive he takes (or took) it further (like getting their number) than he should when he’s got a girlfriend. After the bar closed we went back up to the crack shack (LOL) upstairs. Brian was back & they were frantically cleaning when we came in. It ended up getting pretty sketchy. Brian wanted some cookies we had bought. He at some point told Brian he could have them, but that they were back at our room. As we were leaving Brian said he’d wait for my man in front of the hotel in about a half hour. Once we got back up to our room, my man didn’t want to give the guy the cookies. So he just decided he wasn’t going to go downstairs to meet him. We peeked from our balcony about 45 minutes later & there was Brian…waiting. Mind you, this is probably 3 a.m.

Maybe 2 hours after the time my man said he’d be there, we peeked again outside and there was Brian! He saw us looking down from our 11th story balcony…he started yelling at us! He was PISSED! He was yelling my man’s name. I told him he HAD to go down & give the cookies to that guy and get him out of our hair. He did. I watched them walk back & forth, go behind buildings, go into porn shops, talk to hookers…then he came back up. The sun was starting to come up & I had planned for us to drive to Whistler (it’s now Sunday morning). It takes us a few hours to get our bags packed up again & cleaned up. We checkout & go down into the parking garage and start loading the bags into the Hummer. I walk around to the drivers-side & found the back window shattered. I am sure it was Brian. There was nothing we could do to get him back.We leave and drive to Whistler. Takes us 3 hours or so.

We stopped along the way & hiked into the woods. Makes me so sad now to think of that hike we took together. He was so attentive. He told me he loved me. We held hands. I sat on a huge boulder & watched him hike down into a deep gorge. It was beautiful. He was playful & childlike and I felt so alive seeing him like that.

We got into Whistler Village mid-afternoon. He got us a room at the Pan Pacific Hotel. It was incredible!!! Beautiful view, beautiful room, with the man I love & that I thought loved me. But he went straight to the porn. I wanted to go out. I wanted him to stay away from the damn porn for a few hours & spend time with me exploring the Village. I drew him a bath. Lit candles. Practically had to drag him into the tub. I sat on the side & washed his hair and we talked & talked. He ended up saying something hurtful to me & I left him alone. I took a bath later on…when I did he went right back to the porn. I wouldn’t mind the porn at all if he’d just fuck me, or even touch me, or acknowledge that I’m laying next to him. He just never noticed me. Here’s a picture from the balcony. It is so painful to see it.

It started getting late (maybe 9:30 p.m. or so) & we hadn’t eaten. I could not get him away from the porn. I went & sat on the couch & started looking through the room service menu and ended up falling asleep. I was awakened at about 10:15 by a door shutting. I figured he went into the bathroom, I picked up the menu again & decided what to have then walked towards the bathroom. The bathroom door was open. He left! Didn’t even tell me he was leaving. I called him on his cell. No answer. I left a message. It’s now 11 p.m. 15-20 minutes go by, no call back. I start calling him again…and I don’t stop. He finally answers and tells me he was hungry and decided to walk to 7-11 down the road. I told him that room service stopped serving at 11 and there were no restaurants open. He said he’d bring me something to eat and he’d be back in 20 minutes or so. He never came back. I left him message after message. Sent text msgs…you name it! He finally answers the phone…tells me he was at the bar & he checked his coat & his cell was in it. He ends up making it back up to the room and it’s now 3 a.m., I haven’t eaten. I spent my one night in Whistler, in a fantastic Hotel, hungry, alone, worrying about what may have happened to him, while he was out dancing and eating and who knows what else. I didn’t yell. I was just absolutely crushed. I asked him to tell me exactly where he went & what he did. He got defensive. Started to say that he was hurt because I wasn’t paying attention to him, that I fell asleep and he felt so alone. I COULDN’T FUCKING BELIEVE what I was hearing! I tried to explain to him how I felt. That I felt neglected by him because he paid no attention to me and only wanted to watch porn. I told him how I tried to connect with him by making him the bath, washing his hair, talking about what he wanted to talk about…and how I was insulted by something he said and let him have his space for the rest of his bath. I tried to remind him of how I tried to order us dinner but he didn’t pay any attention. I reminded him of how I’d been sucking his dick for 3 days straight & the only time he’d touch me would be to hold my hair out of the way. He just kept saying that he was hurt and had to leave. Then he ignored me & went onto the internet – he got onto Craigslist. I got into the shower…the sun was up again. When I came out of the shower he was still on the net, looking at M4M & M4T ads and talking to a poster on the phone. He was laughing & whispering and talking in a dirty tone. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! He didn’t give a fuck about me! He was getting revenge on me for HIS GUILT! I got dressed & went to Starbucks in the Village. I called my friend & told her what was going on. She was shocked. As was I! She told me to call his brother. I just couldn’t. After we hung up I walked around the Village alone and went into a few shops. I couldn’t stand it any longer, I would start crying and not be able to stop so I went back to the room. He was gone. I packed my things up. I called him & told him that it was time to go. He had gone down to the Spa & Sauna (probably to meet a man from CL).

We left Whistler.
I drove.
He was cocky.
And rude.
I was broken.

Whistler is one of the most romantic destinations in North America and I was ditched! It’s now Monday noon-ish and our flight home wasn’t until Tuesday afternoon. We decided to go to Vancouver Island. The trip should take us 3 hours.

After about an hour of driving we stopped in a shopping center parking lot thinking we’d grab a drink or something…He had been going through my cell phone (contacts, text messages, vm) for at least 30 minutes, interrogating me about every number. He called my girlfriend from my phone. Starts talking to her about his dick. I ended up ripping the phone out of his hand. He hopped out of the Hummer, told me not to change parking spots & said he was going to go into the restaurant/hotel to see if they had a shower he could use. WHAT THE FUCK!? He just had a shower! By this time I am watching him tweak and find nothing but pity and humor in it. He’s completely gone! After 15 minutes I go in to find him. I didn’t find him anywhere. I ask people if they’ve seen him…nope! I am done! I go back to the Hummer, try his phone one last time, then drive away. I find a bar, go in, order a kamikaze, then another, and another. He calls. I tell him where I am. He walks in 15 minutes later with flowers & a card for me. It was our ‘anniversary’. I had cheated on my husband with him one year ago that day! How festive! But after that, things seemed better. Maybe he realized how sad I was. Or because I was doing my own thing he thought he’d better stick around just in case I get a wild hair and ditch him. I dunno.

We continued towards the City, talking about a lot of things. The subject of fantasies came up & I shared a part of me with him that sent him for a loop. His initial reaction was, ‘how could I expect YOU to fulfill THAT with me’? I explained everything to him. He was both apprehensive, yet aroused. The unknown is scary, I know, because I was dealt something from the unknown -and-

although I was scared, I knew it was important to him and once I opened my mind to it, it became arousing to me.

The conversation was profound.

I felt vulnerable, yet safe knowing he knew now.

The city lights come into view,

where the hell is the ferry to go to Vancouver Island?

We checked the map, drove aimlessly for the harbor-it’s late-we decide to stay back in Vancouver after-all, but agree not to stay in the same area because of the trouble we had before. This being our final night together in British Columbia, we agreed that we should make it special.

We search & find a Hotel 3-4 blocks away from the one we initially stayed in. It wasn’t very nice inside. Overlooked an alley with prostitutes and homeless people. I didn’t care at the time.

I wanted to curl inside of my man and have him absorb me & my pain.

Make it go away.

I was sure he would.

We were hungry and ordered a quick meal from room service. We decided to make the best of our last night in British Columbia and go out together dancing/socializing…whatever. He takes his shower, then I take mine. While I was in my shower, he came in & told me he was going to run to the store for a couple of things. I said ‘ok’. He asked me when I’d be ready, I told him ‘about an hour’. He told me he’d be back before that and to call him if I needed anything from the store.

He left.

That hour came & went. I was ready & waiting.

He said he’d be back.

I called him…no answer…I left a message. He didn’t call back for a while, and when he did he said he’d gone into another store and that he’d be right up to get me. He didn’t come. He didn’t call. Several hours passed.

He did it again.

I sat, paced, cried, called, text-ed.

No reply.

I packed.

Called the valet to pull my Hummer out of the garage.

It’s 2:30 a.m.

As I wait for the attendant to come I get his message. ‘I was detained by the Vancouver police for jaywalking and that’s why I couldn’t call you. Please call me back, I am worried about you’.

I am numb now.

How gullible he must think I am. How stupid I feel for ever believing that he intended to repair what he’d done in Whistler.

How crushed I am for not being worth a call,

an invitation,

a real explanation as to what he was doing.

I load my things into the Hummer and pull out of the garage…he comes running from around the side of the building up to me as I pull out. He looks panicked. Begs me to open the window…I do. I tell him I’m leaving to another Hotel. He tells me his lie again, expecting me to believe it. He ends up getting into the Hummer & I park, in an effort to listen to him. I didn’t want to believe what had happened. I didn’t want to face the reality that he didn’t care about me. That he didn’t really love me like he’d been telling me. That I was merely being used for a number of different things. That I meant nothing really. I didn’t want to know those, in my heart-so I listened, again. He believed his lies. I know they were lies. But I love him so much. I don’t want to go away from him to another Hotel by myself. I still want to crawl inside him, have him absorb my pain and make it better. Please make it go away. Please. I’ve never felt so overwhelmed with pain in my life. He tells me he wants to go with me to the other Hotel. To stay with me. To make it better. But also wants me to come up to the room with him so he can pack up. I refuse. Telling him to go get his things, that I’ll wait for him right out front. He goes upstairs. Minutes pass. It’s now 3 am.

He doesn’t come back.

I call him. He says he needs a couple more minutes and he’ll be down.

He never shows up.

I still have my room-key and decide to run up to see what is taking so long. I come to the room and he’s not packed, not even packing, he’s watching porn and masturbating. I am fucking livid!

He tries again to get me to stay, I refuse. I end up basically forcing him to come with me. We drive across town & find a nice Hotel. I check in, we go to the room. I am exhausted. I change for sleep. I close the door and lay down. I can’t sleep. So I write.

Shortly after, I hear a door close. When I get up and walk out I find a note on the floor from him. He’s gone again. I call him immediately and he tells me he had to go get something & he’ll be back right after. Five or six hours pass and he calls. I’ve already changed my flight. I decided to stay longer but didn’t change his. I let him know that he needs to find a ride to the airport. He practically begs me to come with him…and when I refused he said he’d stay too. That he wasn’t leaving me there alone.

We both stayed another night.

He was magnetic. Attentive. Sexy. Compassionate. Remorseful. We got all dressed up & went out for dinner. I wore my lace dress and he tweaked it so that it was see-through.

He seemed proud to be with me.

We walked up & down the main street and went into stores.

People stared and we were loving it.

We ended up back at our room late. He took me. Fucked me more intensely than I had ever been. Ever. He’d come to me where he placed me, grab me by my hair, force me to suck him, force it deep, burying his cock into my throat, taking my breath, pulling out fast then thrusting in again. He pinched my nipples hard, slapping my pussy, fucking my mouth, telling me I was his. I don’t know how many times I came. I think even the sounds he made as he walked through the Suite in the dark -his growls, his footsteps- made my whole body, mind and soul hunger for his touch. He took me from the couch in the living room and carried me to the bedroom, as he carried me he looked me in the eyes, they pierced into me, I felt his soul

-he told me he loved me-

that I was his and only his.

I cried.

This man I’ve been so in love with for a year has me in his arms, with tears in his eyes, telling me how much he loves me. I’ve given him everything now.

He took my soul right then.

The sex and emotions were so intense that I had a hard time calming myself. I started hyperventilating…and it didn’t stop for a few hours. We were both pretty scared. I called my doctor and they told me to call 911. As stubborn as I am, I didn’t. Instead, I convinced him to go for a walk with me. We got our sweats on & went out for a walk. We held hands. We held eachother’s hearts. At least I thought we did.

Once we got back to the room, I was so tired…all I wanted to do was lay down. He was scared something may happen

and decided to stay awake to watch me.

I fell asleep quickly, knowing he was there for me

in case anything may happen.

The next thing I knew was he was telling me it was time to get up. He was running around. Packing frantically.

We were late for our flight home! Hmmmm, but why are we late if you were here tending to things, like you said you were? He left as soon as I fell asleep. Again…I was lied to. Disregarded.

I don’t have time to worry about the details this time. I pack. Get myself ready. And we leave. We miss our flight. We end up sitting in the airport until the next flight around 3 p.m.


He never told me where he went that morning. Or why. He only recently confessed that he wasn’t really detained by the Vancouver police for jaywalking that night. But where did he go? Why? Unfortunately my heart and mind tell me the most cruel things. But am I wrong? If I meant anything to him, other than a nymphomaniac with money, he would have made sure I was with him. Right?


That’s how his Dad described me just a few days ago. This comes two months after he him self described me as possessing his brothers 3 favorite things, naivety, money & pussy. Still not sure how to feel about such a reputation. But I do know now why I’ve always been treated the way I have by the men in my life.

‘He’ is a man I met in November 2005. I had seen him before we officially met for about 2 years around town and being that he only lives around the corner from me I’d see him on a very regular schedule. Each time I caught a glipse/smile/wave from him it filled my naughty mind for several days afterwards…I fantasized about him taking me, I could almost taste him & feel his thrusts. I think I was so drawn to him because I had heard he cheated on his wife and that (in my delusional mind) created possibility. I never thought it would really ever happen. I was a married woman. Things like that shouldn’t happen if you have a good, strong marriage. I didn’t. My insatiable sex drive created resentment, disgust, disrespect and suspicion in my marriage. I was miserable. My husband hated finding out how open I felt about sex and made life miserable for me. More than a dozen years dedicated to building a home & family and I was chastised for finally becoming mature enough to share with hubby some of my darkest, dirtiest desires. I guess his trophy wife wasn’t that classy lady she portrayed in public afterall. Little does he know what he’s missing out on now.

Anyway, I am definitely not proud of my infidelity. The night I met ‘him’ I had been out with a girlfriend for drinks & dinner at a place downtown. ‘He’ walked into the bar with another man and a woman. I locked my eyes onto him uncontrollably. He walked past my table & we said hello, just like all the times before. He sat right across from me. He positioned himself facing me, legs spread wide towards me and I could see the outline of his huge bulge.
Not good.
Buzz on.
Fantasy man.
Divorce papers on my counter at home waiting for my signature.

I couldn’t stop looking. He was looking & smiling my way too. Our eyes locked and I didn’t flinch. I used my index finger & gestured ‘come here’. He walked up and I started talking. Introduced myself & my friend. He introduced himself. I said something about feeling silly for waving and smiling when we’d see each other here or there for so long before we actually met. He mentioned seeing my husband and knowing that he’s a contractor (EEeek!!!). The consequences of actually fulfilling my fantasy of just being close to this man became vividly apparent when he brought up hubby – BUT THEN – I was struck by his deep voice. I felt it in my crotch. I could feel my heat radiate through my entire body. More small talk ensued. I paid close attention and studied him thoroughly. Blue eyes, filled with the deviation I understand. He oozed confidence, sensuality, lust, sex, intelligence, a bit of sarcasm and wit. He was still in his dirty clothes from work, which for me only added to the allure. I realized he’d been at our table a while & I mentioned something about the people he came in with. He then realized he’d been gone a while too & we said goodbye & he walked back to his seat. My girlfriend turned to me & looked me in the eyes and said ‘OH MY GAWD, that man is incredible and *I* could even feel the chemistry between the two of you’. All I could say was ‘I am going to hell tonight’. The next thing I knew I was being delivered a cocktail from ‘him’ who now had a name, let’s just call him Donkey for fun (teeheehee). Soon after that Donkey & his friends got up to leave, we said goodbye, but not before I invited him back after he lost his friends. He said maybe. My friend & I didn’t end up waiting. She & I went our separate ways. On my way home I realized I was pretty tipsy, that I had met my neighbor and now know him on a first name basis and would have to pass right by his house to get to my house…where my husband was home watching our children (EEeeekk!!) It was midnight. I started to come up onto Donkeys house. He was outside watering his concrete. Surely my invitation to stop! I did. As I walked up to him he said, ‘here comes trouble’. We talked out front. In his driveway. I made some confessions about what I had heard about him and how seeing him & knowing what I did about him made me feel. I asked if I could kiss him. He resisted. We talked more & I told more. Asked to kiss again, this time he looked at me and said something about this being very bad then he leaned in & kissed me hard & deep. Fucking incredible! His body pressed up against me and it was hard, I could feel his hard sex pressed against me. Noooooo!!! Fuck YESSSSSSSS! More! We’re making out, like no one can see, we have the shelter of his pickup but not enough to hide us or my big (very recognizable) sedan parked in front of his house. I want him in my mouth. I tell him I need to suck him. He lures me to his side yard, opens the gate, shuts it behind us and before it’s even latched I’ve got my jeans down to my ankles and I’m on my knees working his jeans open. It comes out & it’s huge! I suck hard, deep throating, sucking, using my mouth to fuck him, I suck hard eager to have my mouth/throat/belly filled with his cum. I have an oral fixation and I was getting off on the shape & stiffness and the invasion of my hole by such a magnificent cock. His balls were huge, a sign to me of his masculinity and experience. My pussy lips were swollen and I could feel a wet pool between them, right at the opening of my pussy. He was groaning, telling me that my mouth was the most incredible thing he’d ever felt. At some point I stood up and we kissed passionately, hands all over, squeezing, pulling, penetrating…I said to him ‘fuck me’. He said ‘what’? I repeated, ‘FUCK ME’. He spun me around into my favorite position, bent me over, my upper body against his rough, stuccoed house. He rubbed the head over my pool and thrust into me completely. Filling me more than I had ever been. I could not keep quiet. He’s strong. His hands gripped my hips and used them for leverage to fuck me hard and deep. He started to build his rhythm but I wanted my mouth fucked more, I pulled away & swung around, quickly latching back on to him and sucked with the same rhythm he’d had. I couldn’t keep my hands off of him or me. Using my fingers to mimic his cock fucking my mouth. He stood me up again, slipped himself into my pussy again, pumping into me hard, I sensed his orgasm coming. I paid close attention to his sounds, my sounds being created from our animalistic behavior. I felt this animal taking me for his pleasure and that, in turn, made me want him deeper, harder, longer. He pulled out just as he erupted. I tried to get my mouth there before it stopped. What didn’t end up on the fence/wall/garbage can/ground went into my hair and on my mouth. He wouldn’t let me lick it off his hands. We composed ourselves and said goodbye.
When I got home & climbed into bed and my husband (inevitably) rolled over & wanted to fuck, I realized the severity of what I had just done. Hubby was sweet and attentive and genuinely happy that I had had a good time with my girlfriend, but wished I hadn’t stayed out so late or at least called to let him know I was ok. I couldn’t have sex with him…ever again. Something overwhelmed me and I just couldn’t allow him to make love to me after another man was inside me. We lived together another 3 months (completely sexless which was very strange because going even 2 days without sex before the infidelity was unheard of).

I couldn’t get enough of that Donkey but he kept me at arms length away. Occasionally letting me suck him and rarely fucking. He kept telling me he wanted to just be friends. But his body language was telling me something else. I’d detach myself from him and go about my business and he’d always end up calling me up & luring me back in. I was always hungry to see him. We’d spend a little time together, getting closer & closer then he’d pull the ‘I just wanna be friends’ thing again. I’d be crushed. Heartbroken. I’d promise myself not to fall for it again the next time. I’d always fall for it. Hopeful that he was getting a soft spot for me & that he was ready to move forward together. Nope, we just went back & forth. I started to become numb to it. In June I finally just accepted that he & I will never move forward. I was itching to go to Hawaii. I planned on going alone and mentioned it to him. He said he’d go with me. WHAT!? I made all the arrangements, we’d go late July. I noticed a big change in him. He was paying more attention to me. He was calling more. I felt so incredible but I was also very guarded. We discussed expectations and I told him I had none other than he treat me with respect. I thought that this trip would decide our future one way or the other and I was prepared for the worst.

The trip was great. The best part for me happened on the second night there, he asked to hold my hand. It was late at night & we were walking by the beach. When he took my hand I just started crying. He didn’t see. He just kept on talking. I don’t think my feet were even on the ground. I have no idea what he was saying. He was holding my hand.

After we got back, he & I were almost inseparable. Mid August we decided to be exclusive to one another. I felt so complete. I could tell him anything. I didn’t have to hide any part of me or my past. I felt free and accepted. Everything was just perfect. I had him over for dinner a few days after our committment talk. We cooked together in the kitchen. Talking and laughing and really enjoying one another. At one point he looked at me and said, ‘you know, this is the first time in a really long time that I have really wanted to be faithful to a girlfriend and it feels so good’. He went on, telling me how special I was to him…I think I even cried because it really was special. I was so content! After dinner, we cleaned up & he went home. Several hours later I got a call from him. He told me a friend of his was stranded in the cold without any money and crying and since he couldn’t leave his house he asked me if I could go help her. I told him no, that I was tired. He told me he would call her a cab, have the cab swing by his house so he could pay for it & she’d go home. He invited me to come over so that I wouldn’t worry about what I thought may happen between them. I declined, I had to work in the morning and it was way late. He assured me I had nothing to worry about. That he wasn’t attracted to her in any way. I trusted him. Why wouldn’t I? He just told me a few hours before how good he felt about us. I fell asleep confident in him. I woke up, got ready & went to work. He called me to say good morning & sounded cheerful, but didn’t bring up his middle of the night fiasco. I just sensed something strange. I let it go. He called me several times that day…never once saying a word about what happened. I didn’t ask. After I got home from work he came over. He was friendly. But something was wrong. We sat on my back porch and I asked him how it went with the stranded woman. He said good. I asked what happened. He said they just sat & talked. Hmmmm, that wasn’t the plan, she was supposed to just pick some cash up from you for her cab fare…but now she actually came inside…and you talked!? What happened? Tell me now. His head slumped and I couldn’t believe it. He said, ‘something happened that shouldn’t have.’ I said, ‘get the fuck out’. He tried telling me that it wasn’t what I thought. But when I asked what exactly IT was he said he couldn’t remember exactly. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW!